


Call It Anything but Love

by sunbearparade



Category: The Hobbit (Jackson Movies), The Hobbit - All Media Types
Genre: Brotherly Bonding, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Family Drama, Getting to Know Each Other, M/M, Nori is a Little Shit, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Slow Burn, Smut, kind of
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-12-28
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-03-03 23:20:37
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 23,861
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2891855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunbearparade/pseuds/sunbearparade
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Nori was happy being a thief, really, no matter what Dori thought of it. No matter how much it was ripping the family apart. But when the rift between the brothers is nearing the point of no return and Nori's freedom is in jeopardy, he has no choice but to accompany the ragtag group of dwarfs (and that fussy hobbit) on Thorin Oakenshield's suicide mission. </p><p>He only wanted to reconcile with his brothers and maybe have the occasional (frequent) tumble with the pretty blond (and secretly rebellious) princeling. </p><p>Nothing complicated, nothing permanent. Just a bit of fun to kill the boredom.</p><p>He never meant to fall in love along the way.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rift

**Author's Note:**

> After humming and hawing over this for like the past few weeks, I decided I was just going to post it. This is the first fanfic I've written since middle school (the dark times we shall not speak of), and the first one I've written for The Hobbit. 
> 
> Initially, this was just supposed to be a smutty little oneshot between Nori and Fili, inspired by that fanfiction reenactment skit that happened at HobbitCon. But HAHA NOPE the story started evolving and writing itself and I had to go along with it.
> 
> Anyways, if there are any glaring errors, please feel free to point them out! 
> 
> Title is from the song Call It What You Want by Foster the People.

Nori, son of Yris, was an asshole. He was a thief, a liar, a manipulator, and he was a proud one at that. He held no qualms about using others to get what he wanted, particularly those with wealth and status. Nori could be sweet and alluring, enough so to charm his way into the houses and hearts of the wealthy dwarrows and dwarrowdams alike. He slid his way into their beds and a few hours later, slipped back into the shadows, pockets full of gold and jewelry, anything that could earn him a pretty little price in the markets of the slums he reigned over.

  
There was a little thrill that ran up his spine when fellow thieves and criminals looked at him with awe or pure jealousy and disdain. Nori was damn good at his job, and he saw no harm in basking in it every once in a while. He spent years working his fingers to the bone, climbing the ladders, and sucking up to (or sucking off) the right people to get to where he was.

  
Thieving was the only work he was really good at, he thought. He didn't have the patience or talent of writing and drawing like his little brother, or sewing like Dori and his mam. He tried his hand at blacksmithing (and failed spectacularly, if the gnarled scars of old burns on his left arm were any proof), and the thought of being trapped deep underground, mining jewels he wasn't allowed to keep made his stomach churn. But his fingers were quick, and the puzzle of picking locks and slipping objects away from someone right under their nose brought him more joy than honest work ever could. There was, however, the whole issue of family...

  
His brothers didn't know all the details of his work, but they weren't blind to what he did. They bailed him out of a jail cell enough times to realize his work wasn't exactly legal. There was a chasm growing between the eldest Ri brothers, caused by old hurts, a lack of trust, and misunderstandings. Dori had even tried to prohibit Nori from being around Ori without supervision. Like that had ever stopped them.

  
"Look at this shit!" Nori cackled, throwing down the wanted poster on the table in front of his baby brother.

  
"Is that supposed to be you?" Ori asked, his brow furrowing as he studied that paper. The depiction of Nori was...well. The artist certainly took creative license.

  
"Apparently." The thief snorted. "They made my nose too big, my lips are too thin, and _Mahal_ they must have added thirty years to me!"

  
"I do like the addition of the face tattoo, though," Ori smiled, pushing the paper back towards his brother. "Maybe you should actually get it."

  
"And mar this pretty face? I don't think so." Nori scanned the table quickly. "You got a quill? Maybe I should correct it for them and hand it in next time. Or better yet," He slid his chair closer to his brother's and threw his arm around Ori's shoulder, poking his finger into the smaller dwarf's chest. "You're a fantastic artist. Perhaps they could hire you to do their mug shots. At least you'd get mine right." And when it came down to it, wasn't his face really the only one that mattered? "Maybe it'd be more fun than that apprenticeship you got goin' with that stuffy lord."

  
Ori made a garbled choking noise, turning red to the tips of his round ears. "Oh, Nori, that isn't funny." It was a _little_ funny, but the propriety Dori nailed into him since he was a dwarfling kept him from saying so aloud.

 

"Besides, I think the guards see you more than I do nowadays." Ori really hadn't meant it to sound so wistful, but he was getting tired of this. Nori staying away for so long and then visiting at random times, Dori finding out and throwing a fit... He was always caught between their fighting.

  
"Well, maybe if Dori wasn't such a--" Nori stopped, freezing upright like a startled animal, checking for all possible exits in the kitchen as he heard the door open.

  
"Ori, are you home? I'm sorry I'm late, Master Balin came into the shop and you know how he likes to talk--" Dori paused in the doorway, the rosy expression he got when talking about Balin quickly forming into a frown as his eyes locked onto Nori. "Nori. How pleasant of you to drop by. While I was out." Working a _real job_ was very heavily implied. "And Ori here _alone_."

  
"For Mahal's sake, Dori, what do you think I'm going to do, kidnap him? He's my brother, too, and nearly an _adult_ \--"

  
Ori groaned softly, sliding further into his chair. "Must we do this every time?" He murmured softly, preparing for the inevitable blow up.

  
His complaints went unnoticed as Dori zeroed in on the poster still lying between his younger brothers. " _What_ is _that_."

  
Nori hastily made a grab for it, crumpling it and shoving it into his pocket. "It's nothing--"

  
Dori closed in on the thief, his face turning considerably more red. "You break into this house--"

  
"Ori _let me in_ \--"

  
"And flaunt your _crimes_ around to your little brother like some sort of achievement--"

  
"We were joking around!"

  
"Joking. _Joking_ \--! I will have you know, Nori, that there is _nothing_ funny about what you do! Do you know how mortifying it is having city guards come here questioning us about you? The looks I receive in my own shop? You've done but bring shame to this family, and you don't even have the gall to look the least bit remorseful!"

  
It was like a physical blow to the chest, knocking the air from his lungs. Though it wasn't the first time Nori had heard this, the sting never dulled. It was easy to tune out the rest of Dori's speech after that.

  
"--you're just a bad influence! Yet you continue to wonder why I don't want you around Ori? He doesn't need to hear about what you do. Seeing the posters plastered around town is bad enough, we don't need them inside this house too."

  
Ori reached for his brother's arm. "Dori, please just stop--"

  
Nori rose to his feet, his blood boiling in his ears. "I might just be an embarrassment to you, _brother_ , but I will never regret what I do," he growled. "What I did kept Ori fed and clothed when you couldn't! It was _me_ who kept Mam alive, Dori, not you!"

  
The resulting silence was deafening, the tension nearly suffocating. Dori's face shattered, his confident stance deflating. It was a mistake. He shouldn't have said it. He knew he shouldn't have, but if Dori would just stop pushing him--  
  


Ori had positioned himself between them, his hands held up in front of them, his wide eyes fearful. Their fights had never gotten physical, but when Nori had crossed a line, there was always a chance. He wouldn't let it devolve that far--

  
"Get out." Dori's voice was barely above a whisper. It didn't need to be any louder. "Just get out, Nori."

  
Nori said nothing, simply grabbed his coat from the back of his chair and stormed out, his stomach twisting itself into knots.

  
He never meant to take things that far.

  
\---

  
He tried to fuck to forget that night.

  
Sat upon his throne—which, in actuality, was simply a table in the corner cove of a seedy tavern, but it was _his_ and anyone with half a mind knew Nori didn't share—he surveyed the bar, his expression bored as he picked the dirt from under his nails with a small knife.

 

Of course he had noticed the pretty young thing across the room, the one who had been making eyes at him all night. Whether he wanted to indulge him or not, he wasn't sure. Then again, what did he have to lose? He could use a distraction.

  
Nori met the dwarf's eyes, giving him a confident smirk while beckoning him over with his hand. The lad's grin brightened, making his way towards the thief.

  
Nori grabbed the lad's tunic and gently pulled him down, his lips close to his ear. “You don't look like you belong here. You look far too innocent.”

  
He had seen this dwarf in here a few times—and he was fairly sure he had bedded him at least once—hanging around Nori's people, listening to their stories and accomplishments with stars in his eyes. The lad looked up to them like they were some sort of hero. It reminded him of himself when he was younger.

 

“I think it's part of my charm,” the dark-haired dwarf smiled, brushing a braid behind his ear, the one the marking him as a companion. Those were new.

  
“I'd say it's working, darlin'.” Nori purred, tugging the lad into his lap. The smaller dwarf straddled the thief's lap, letting out a surprised gasp and a giggle as Nori squeezed his arse.

  
After enough teasing and heavy petting to scandalize polite company, Nori invited the lad--Tàni, his name was--up to his room.

  
He pressed the companion up against the door, attacking his lips again.

 

"How much will it be, lad?" He growled between rough kisses.

  
Tàni let out a moan and pulled away just enough to meet Nori's eyes, his tongue running across his kiss bruised lips. "For you, Master Nori? Tonight is free." He slid down to his knees, nimble fingers plucking at the laces on Nori's breeches, freeing his half-hard prick.

  
Nori hissed as the younger dwarf left open-mouthed kisses along the shaft before slipping the head into his mouth. His hand found its way into the boy's silky black hair, tugging just slightly.

  
Looking down at Tani, Nori figured he probably wasn't much older than Ori. Just barely of age and already thrown into this kind of life. Wasn't much different from his own growing up, now that he thought about it. Was this what Dori was afraid of? Ori hanging around the rough crowd, spreading his legs for someone like Nori's kind?

  
His stomach sank. _Mahal_ , if thinking about family while getting a blowjob wasn't completely fucked up, he wasn't sure what was.

  
He tugged at Tàni's hair to get his attention. "Enough. Get on the bed." Perhaps Nori just needed something more to clear his mind.

 

\--

  
The thoughts thankfully stayed away until they finished, lying on opposite sides of the bed, catching their breaths.

  
Nori glanced quickly at the lad before closing his eyes. There was no way he would ever drag Ori down into this life. He would give his left arm before letting that happen. Ori would grow up, finish his apprenticeship, become a scribe and never want for anything again. Maybe settle down with someone nice, if that was what he wanted. He would stay safe. He would be important. He would make them proud.

  
This was Nori's domain, the world he ruled, his subjects the criminals and society's cast offs. The kind who laughed Death in the face, who cheated others out of their possessions without shame, who started fights and slipped away to watch.

  
The kind of people one would never want to be associated with, much less related to.

  
"...Master Nori?"

  
The thief's eyes shot open, meeting the eyes of the other dwarf. Tàni was cleaned and dressed again, but his braids still pleasantly mussed.

  
Nori sat up, stretching. "Mm. Last chance to change your mind about the payment thing." This type of behavior wasn't normal for him, actually _insisting_ on paying for something. But even he couldn't just take from someone so young.

  
Tàni looked down then, playing with his sleeve. "...Well."

  
"'Well'? Come on, out with it."

  
The lad hesitated before looking up to meet Nori's eyes. "It's not the money I need right now, but... There's...this one dwarf. Real rough lookin' fellow, he's missin' an eye and everything. He comes around here a lot. He's always given me trouble before, but ever since I got the braids he's been nearly impossible." He swallowed, growing more nervous the longer Nori stayed quiet. His voice quickened and wavered. "I-I'm afraid he might...do something, and I'm all my sisters have left, sir, if I'm not around--" Tàni stopped and looked down, his face turning red.

 

Nori dressed at a leisurely paced, turning slowly to look at the lad, eyes narrowing. "Lad, I only just learned your name. All we did was fuck. Do you really think keeping my bed warm for a few hours means I care anything about you or your family?"

 

"I-I..."

 

"I offered you  _ money,  _ not protection.  What made you think I was that charitable of a dwarf?" He moved in on Tàni, circling the boy like a wolf would a rabbit. "The stories are true when they say I am _ not  _ a nice person. I choose people who can offer me something, dwarves I think are worth a damn. Not from the kindness in my heart," He stopped and lifted Tàni's chin with his index finger. "What could you possibly offer me in exchange for protection?"

 

"M-me? M-my...services?"

 

Nori snorted. "I can find sex easily enough. Try harder." He took hold of the lad's chin gently. "And look me in the damn eye this time."

 

Tàni took a deep breath and met Nori's eyes with a glare, albeit not as fiery as he had hoped it would be. "G-give me a chance to prove my worth. You'd be surprised what people will tell their whores. You want information on someone? I'll get it."

 

Nori smirked and let go of Tàni. "Really."

 

"Yes! And...and I'm not going to take no for an answer."

 

The thief chuckled. "Pushing your luck there, don't you think? But you caught me on a good day." He made his way to the window, looking down on the darkened streets. "If the bastard bothers you again, he'll be drowning in his own blood."

 

The companion's eyes widened. "R-really...?" He whispered.

 

"We made a deal, didn't we?" Nori looked at him and raised an eyebrow. "My protection for your skills."

 

"Thank you.... Thank you, Master Nori, I won't disappoint you!"

 

Nori gave a single nod. "Good. Now, if you wouldn't mind..." he gave a pointed look at the door.

 

The lad gathered the rest of his things and obediently headed towards the door. "Right. Ah, good evening, then." Tàni slipped out after that, closing the door behind him gently.

 

Nori immediately groaned and tossed himself onto the clean part of the bed. Negotiations weren't nearly as fun when the dwarf in question reminded him of his brother.

 

He could really use a smoke right now. Too bad his pipe was still sitting on his brothers' table. How long would it take this time before he could step foot in that house without starting a bloodbath? He really did miss watching Ori grow up, listening to him passionately talk about something he loved, his snarky quips that still sounded so polite. Hell, he even almost missed Dori's mother henning. Almost.

 

The oldest Ri meant well, he did, but he needed to back away, just a little. A traitorous little voice that sounded suspiciously like Ori's kept whispering in the back of his mind, reminding him that things would be so much easier if he simply apologized. He banished the thought with a scoff. Nori, Prince of Thieves and Scoundrels did  _ not  _ apologize. It was admitting defeat. And why should he be sorry for being kicked out of his own home, for being shunned by his family. This was on Dori. Dori and his overbearing, judgmental ways. Dori and his--

 

Nori heard a clattering from the lower level followed by shouting. Maybe he just needed to get away. Leave Ered Luin for a few months until things settled, both with the law and his family. He could bring back peace offerings for his brothers, that always...sort of worked. Nori threw some belongings in a pack. Yes. A nice little trip to clear his mind, that was all he needed. 

The door slammed open suddenly, one of Nori's associates standing in the door with wide eyes. "The  _ guard. _ " He hissed. "They know yer here!"

 

The thief shouldered the pack and opened the window to climb out. Well. That was all the incentive he needed to leave.

 


	2. Responsibilities

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here's Fili's chapter! 
> 
> Also, side note: this chapter and the previous are set three years before the start of the quest. 
> 
> (Beta'd by my lovely girlfriend, who does not have an account here)

When Fili, the son of Dis, was a dwarfling, he idolized his uncle. The little prince hung off every word Thorin spoke, consumed every story he was told. The tales of the battles Thorin had fought in(though they had been simplified to appease Dis. Apparently hearing about your great-grandfather's head being lopped off was a bit much for a dwarfling whose own head just barely reached his mother's hip), the kingdom his uncle and mother grew up in, and how it overflowed with unimaginable treasures. His uncle's voice would grow darker while he told Fili of the vile Wyrm that stole their home. The little dwarfling would run off after the story and return a few minutes later, waving around a play wooden sword and promising his uncle he would help kill the dragon.

When Fili was told he and his baby brother were princes, he remembered nearly bursting with excitement. He remembered his chest puffing out with a little bit of pride when Thorin named him his heir. 

“Once you're old enough, Fili, you'll be given a very important job.” Thorin had said as he tried to braid the hair of the wiggling dwarfling in his lap.

“Imporden'?” Fili parroted. 

“Aye. You are my heir, Fili.” 

The little one blinked up owlishly. He wasn't quite sure what an heir  _was_ , but it had to be important if Uncle Thorin said it.

“It means that one day, when we reclaim our homeland and I am no longer king, you will take the throne.” 

Fili's large eyes widened even further, giving Thorin a large toothy grin. “I be a king? A brave and strong king? Like Uncle!” 

Thorin gave him a tender smile. “No, little one. You'll be even better than me.” 

-  


Fili remembered how he couldn't wait to start his training and lessons with Thorin. Now he wanted nothing more than to be reunited with the simple days. 

Fili, the heir of Thorin Oakenshield, was too young to be this tired. If he wasn't working in the smithy with his uncle, or picking up other odd jobs, he was in lessons with Balin or weapons training with Dwalin. Then there were Thorin's lessons. Any moments away from the forge, the field, or the stuffy study rooms, he was helping with the household or hunting game with Kili. Being a prince was no longer fun. The spark it had when he was young had dimmed, and now it was simply more trouble than it was worth.

And  _what_ was he prince of, exactly? He would think bitterly. The last time anyone had checked, there was currently a dragon with a temper worse than his uncle's using Erebor as his personal playhouse. As much as Fili had  _wanted_ to continue believing they could reclaim the kingdom during his time, the harsh realities of life seemed to dangle that goal further and further out of reach with each passing year. It was Thorin's unwavering hope and determination that had Fili clinging to even the smallest shreds of belief. His uncle longed for Erebor the way a dwarf would long for their lost One.

Hope or not, the frustration Fili felt grew to be too much sometimes. Fili was in his sixty when he lost his temper with his uncle, interrupting one of Thorin's long-winded speeches to tell him  _exactly_ how he felt about everything. He had never felt so much shame as he did when Thorin fixed him with a dark and very disappointed look. Though he was still given a very thorough chewing out that day, Thorin had seemed to lighten up on him slightly.  _Slightly._ Self-preservation kept Fili from holding his tongue since then. If he had a complaint—and he had many—he confided in Kili (and occasionally Dis.) 

Fili envied Kili sometimes. An overwhelming, disgusting, gut-twisting jealousy at how  _lenient_ Thorin with Kili, letting him be so carefree and act his age without (much) disapproval. It wasn't fair. Fili's childhood ended so much earlier than Kili's, and even then he was being reprimanded by Thorin. On an especially bad day, Fili had stormed away from Kili and slammed the door in his face, receiving very the very brief satisfaction at seeing the wounded look his brother had given him. As soon as the door shut, though, his stomach twisted with guilt and he felt nothing but disgust for his behavior. 

None of this was Kili's fault; it wasn't as if he  _chose_ to be the youngest. And it was so hard to stay mad at someone who adored him so much, he had stood up to Thorin and  _demanded_ that he ease up on his older brother. 

To be honest, deep down, Fili was glad it was him and not Kili. The whole family would suffer if the young dwarf's spirit broke under the pressure. 

Despite everything, Fili still loved his uncle. He may not look up to him as much as he did when he was young, but if Thorin asked his sister-son to follow him to the ends of Arda, Fili would leave in a heartbeat. Thorin was stern and too harsh at times, but he was always there for his family. He was there the day Fili's father died. Thorin had moved in with them, sacrificing so much to help Dis raise the boys. Of course Fili appreciated him, but Thorin had a bad habit of forgetting Fili was still  _young._ He  _needed_ space and some freedom. 

Fili allowed himself to be primped and melded into the perfect little heir, to keep the peace in the house, but he was nearing his breaking point. The prince  was nearing the point of rebellion. He wouldn't do anything that might permanently lose his uncle's respect or shame their family, oh no. Just...something harmless that Thorin might disapprove of. And oh, there were so many options...

 

-  


Fili melted further into his seat, letting out a long and wistful sigh as he stared longingly out the window in Balin's study. They were entering his third hour of history lessons and the prince was getting restless, especially without Kili there to entertain him when Balin's back was turned. 

He would trade anything to be outside right now. The sun was so bright today, a light breeze blowing gently through the open window. He could hear the squeals and giggling of dwarflings in the streets below. Sparring with Kili would be nice; Fili just had too much energy to be sitting here for another hour. He'd gladly endure extra drills from Dwalin if it meant not having to sit still anymore.

The old warrior was demanding (and perhaps terrifying if one hadn't grown up with him) but fair. If the brothers paid attention and did what he asked—or commanded, rather—Dwalin was willing to turn to blind eye for a while and allow the two to fool around and roughhouse like dwarflings. Well, he was willing until there were pranks involved, but it was nothing a good cuff to the back of the head or a collision of skulls couldn't fix.

Fili and Kili were aware of Dwalin's soft spot for them. Really, he was as much of an uncle to them as Thorin was, but he understood that the boys needed time every now and then to be loud and crude and carefree. Dwalin was especially aware of Fili's need for an outlet. When the lad was younger, he would throw himself at his opponent, fighting and snarling like a starving street dog. He was a danger to himself and others in training. After that, the warrior spent extra time with Fili, showing him how to channel his pent up aggression into controlled energy. There was a definite improvement in Fili's focus over the years and he now fought with confidence and control.

If only that focus worked in other areas--

“ _Fili._ Are you listening?” 

The prince startled, nearly knocking his books off the desk. “Yes! Yes, of course I am.”

Balin raised an eyebrow. “Can you tell me what we just went over?” 

Fili was silent for a moment. “Durin....the...third's....Consort?” he visibly winced, his voice raising in octave with each word. 

A sigh. “Well, you aren't wrong. We did cover that--” 

Fili let out a sigh of relief.

“\--An _hour_ ago. I think we'll break here for now. Your focus is gone.”

That was the best thing he had heard all day. Fili scrambled out of his chair and stretched out like a cat. “Master Balin?” 

“Yes, my lad?” Balin looked up from his documents.

Fili clasped his hands behind his back and gave the older dwarf the most innocent and hopeful expression he could muster. “Have you perhaps reconsidered allowing Kili and I to share our lessons again? We've grown since the last time, really! You'll have our undivided attention when you're speaking and all our assignments will be in on time.” 

Balin fixed him with  _The Look._ “Fili, I'm going to give you the same answer I gave your brother yesterday. And two days before that. And the week before that, as well: Absolutely not. The more restless the two of you are together, the more damage my office endures.” 

Fili pouted. Honestly, shatter a pot of ink all over the floor  _one time_ and they never let it go. It was two years ago and the stains were  _barely_ noticeable anymore. If one squinted. 

“Master Balin, I swear, we won't break things again. We really have matured.” He tried, looking the white-haired dwarf in the eye and giving a confident nod. “And it would add so much more to the lessons with another person's input. I mean, not that you're _boring,_ you're very interesting, honest--” 

Balin raised a hand, motioning for silence. “Laddie, I know you would rather be elsewhere, but these lessons are just as important as your training with Dwalin. If you don't know the history of your people and your ancestors, how could you successfully rule a kingdom? A king must be aware of the accomplishments of their people and learn from their mistakes to reduce future suffering.

“Like it or not, Fili, but you're Thorin's heir. Once Erebor is reclaimed, you will eventually take throne. And I'm going to make sure you're prepared for that.” The elder dwarf noticed the grimace on the prince's face and paused. His voice gentled. “This might all seem pointless to you right now, I know this. Erebor seems like nothing but a fairy story, but if anyone can make it a reality, it's your uncle.” Balin smiled, laying his hand on the young prince's shoulder. “This is in your blood, Fili, as a descendant of Durin. And I know that one day, you will make an excellent king.” 

Though his physical touch was light, the weight of Balin's words added to the ever present burden on Fili's shoulders, joining the family obligations and the expectations he had to reach. 

Balin ended their break after that, leaving Fili with an even heavier heart. 

 

-  


Fili groaned as he pushed unsuccessfully against the gate to the house. The damn hinges were stuck— _ again.  _ He meant to fix it, he really did, but the loose boards in the back fence were in more dire need of repair. They really couldn't lose anymore chickens to the foxes that crept around at night. He tossed his satchel over the gate before hoisting himself over. He swung the pack over his shoulder again before walking to the house. His steps were louder than necessary when he noticed his mother chopping wood. Fili stopped nearby, waiting for her to take a break. To sneak up on Dis, whether it was accidental or not, while she wielded her axe was perhaps one of the worst decisions a person could make. He had witnessed Dwalin learning that the hard way once. 

He strolled up to her once she had set the axe down and acknowledged him. “Hello, Amad.” he said, kissing her cheek. 

Dis smiled, giving his arm an affectionate squeeze. “My jewel.” she paused briefly, narrowing her eyes and giving him a suspicious look. “You're home early today.  _ Please  _ tell me I won't be receiving any messages from Balin again. 

Fili looked at her in mock offense. “Amad, you wound me. You know I'm the golden child. Perfect and focused and mature, always.” A grin stretched across his face when she responded with an amused snort and a shake of her head. “Balin ended the lessons early. He figured I was in need of a break. Is Kili inside?” 

“If he isn't, I'll have his hide. He's _supposed_ to be preparing dinner. The last time I was in there, he had one potato cut and his head in the clouds.” That wasn't particularly surprising. “Whether it'll be read by the time Thorin and Dwalin is yet to be seen.” 

The blond's eyes lit up. “I didn't know Dwalin was coming! I really wanted to talk to him about--” 

“Ah-ah, Fili,” Dis cut him off, pushing away the strands of black hair that escaped her braid. “I don't know exactly what they're discussing, but they asked for no distractions tonight.” 

Fili sighed. “Erebor again?” 

Dis shrugged and looked unimpressed. “It's Thorin. It's the most likely topic.” she picked her axe up again. “Now, if you actually want to eat before everyone goes to bed, I'd suggest you go help your brother.” she said, giving him a nudge towards the door with her free arm, swiftling ending their conversation. “Thank you, love!”

Slipping his boots off at the door, he was almost surprised to see Kili actually on task, chopping vegetables before tossing them into a pot and whistling cheerily. 

“Balin said no.” Fili greeted him. 

Kili replied with a whine. 

  
As far as normal Durin family dinners went, that evening was eerily subdued. Nothing was spilt, no loud or crass jokes swapped between the brothers (with Dwalin's occasional input), and barely any conversation whatsoever. Thorin was about as taut as a bowstring and even Dwalin was unusually quiet and tense. It made the princes nervous. Even when things were bad, this level of tension was a rarity. 

Thorin and Dwalin had taken their leave to the living area after dinner, sitting in front of the fire with their pipes, not a single word spoken. Fili and Kili cleaned up innocently before ducking into the hallway out of view, hoping to catch even a fraction of their conversation. They were both desperate to find out what was causing the uneasiness between the older dwarves. The brothers were practically climbing on top of one another, straining to hear anything. The only semblance of conversation Fili could catch were the low whispered growls and hissed mutters they threw back and forth. It sounded more like two animals in a standoff rather than dwarves. In his irritation, Fili straightened out too fast, knocking Kili over, resulting in a loud  _ 'thunk'.  _ They both held their breath as the sound echoed into the other room. Thorin and Dwalin's voices had gone silent immediately, replaced by heavy footsteps. 

The princes met each other's eyes, exchanging terrified looks before slowly turning to face Dwalin. The large dwarf's arms were crossed and he looked anything but impressed. “If we wanted yeh t' know what we were sayin', we woulda had you join us.” He glowered at them. “As it is, I'd suggest yeh lads find somewhere else t' be.  _ Now. _ ”

Fili couldn't remember the last time the two of them had scrambled to their room so quickly.

-  


Fili stared up at his ceiling pensively, his mind racing. The way Dwalin and his uncle were acting had him worried. Was it a concern about the city? Or was it about Erebor again? Either way, he wanted to know. He  _ hated  _ people keeping secrets from him, especially if it had anything to do with his family. He sighed and closed his eyes. In reality, it could be about Erebor again. No matter how many times Thorin's plan fell through, Dwalin's loyalty was a constant. They could try a hundred times and Fili knew Dwalin would follow every time. 

“Pssst. Fee. Fili.” 

Fili opened his eyes, snapping out of his reverie. The sight of Kili's face illuminated by candlelight at the foot of the bed startled him. “ _ Mahal,  _ Kili, don't sneak up on me!” 

His brother gave him a look. “I've been sitting here for at least three minutes. You just kept staring out and sighing, and it was making me nervous.”

Fili sat up, adjusting to mirror Kili's cross-legged position. “I just have a lot on my mind.” 

“Is it about how odd Thorin and Dwalin were acting?” he asked, scooting closer to the older prince. 

A nod. “There's something wrong.” 

“Or maybe something _right._ ” 

Fili raised a curious eyebrow. “Explain.” 

Kili grinned slowly, leaning in conspiratorially. “This  _ has  _ to have something to do with Erebor. What if they finally found a way in and around Smaug? They could have been going over  _ actual  _ solid planning, Fee!” 

Fili wished he could share in Kili's excitement. It was hard after things had fallen through so many times. Now he mostly felt exasperation. “Don't get your hopes up, nadadith. This has happened before, and it just fell through.” 

His enthusiasm didn't seem to dim. “I know it has, but they have never been so secretive about their planning. This has to mean something!” 

“I think I would be included in their conversation if that was what they were doing. I'm Thorin's heir, I would have to go with him. And wouldn't _Balin_ be apart of this process as well? Kili, I think for once, Thorin's planning _isn't_ about Erebor.”

Dark eyebrows knitted together as Kili stared hard at old blanket, the smile finally falling from this face. “There's still a  _ chance.  _ Maybe Balin was busy doing...whatever it is Balin does when he isn't working. And they might just not want many others to know about it?” He paused, his eyes widening suddenly, hand slapping against his knee as an epiphany struck. “ _ They don't want Amad to know yet! _ You know how she gets when Thorin talks about it too much. They might just not want to upset her over nothing if it doesn't work out!” 

That...did make sense, but it did nothing to calm Fili's nerves. “Kili, why are you so excited about this? It might just be more wishful thinking. And if it did work out, they probably wouldn't bring us. Don't get your hopes up about this.” 

Kili straightened up, looking Fili in the eye with determination. “I know you don't want to hear about this. You get enough of it from Uncle, and you've heard about enough of the failed plans. But Thorin hasn't given up and neither has Dwalin. Even Balin thinks there's a chance! So why can't we?” his eyes softened. “You weren't the only one who grew up on Uncle's stories. This will happen one day, and I want to be a part of it. I know you do, too.” 

Fili finally looked back up. “If it happens, it's not going to be easy. Even if Smaug is gone, who knows what else might be lurking in that mountain. People could  _ die. _ ” He tried unsuccessfully to swallow at the lump in his throat. Kili might get hurt. Or Thorin, Dwalin, anyone he cared about who went with might not come out alive. 

“I know the risks, Fili.” Kili reached for his brother's hands, squeezing them gently. “But maybe it's worth it. We could die, maybe, but what if we didn't? We'd be giving our people their rightful home back. We would _all_ have a better life.” he smile brightly. “We wouldn't just be a couple of royal brats without a kingdom, we would be heroes. We would _be_ something. Well, I would anyway. You've always been important; you're an heir--” Kili stopped when he noticed his brother smile lightly and shake his head. “What?” 

Fili tugged Kili over, knocking their foreheads together gently when he was close enough. “You really are dense if you haven't realized you're already important. Kili, I think Arda would be a much unhappier place without you around. I would be, at least.” the blond pushed him away just enough to meet his eyes, keeping his hands on his brother's shoulders. “You're so...optimistic all the time. Brave and loyal. You care so much about everyone. I think you'd be a much better heir than me sometimes.” he slumped a little. “But no, that's not something I want for you. There's so much pressure, Kee.... I'm so tired already.”

“I know, Fee...” he murmured. “Sometimes I wish it were me instead, for your sake. But there is _no_ way I'd be a good king. You're levelheaded, you think through things. I...just kind of _do._ I don't know if I could handle having the fate of thousands of people in my hands.” he wrinkled his nose. “And sitting in _counsel_ all day?” 

Fili laughed quietly. “You'd go  _ mad. _ You would drag your subjects and advisors outside and make them hunt for rabbits with you.” 

The dark-haired dwarf grinned sheepishly. “I can't even fight you on that. I probably would.” 

A comfortable silence had fallen over the room, covering them like a blanket. Fili wasn't sure whether it lasted five minutes or fifteen, but they had both ended up lying down, curled up on the opposite sides of the small bed. “...Kili?” 

“Mm?” 

Fili rolled onto his side to face the archer. “Uncle and I don't always see eye-to-eye. I complain about him a lot, I know, and...maybe that's a little unfair. He's just doing what he has to, I guess. But no matter what I say, or how frustrated I get, I'd still follow him. If he wants to face off with a dragon,” he swallowed and met Kili's eyes. “I''ll be by his side and hope to Mahal he knows what he's doing.” 

Kili smiled sleepily. “If anyone could dethrone a dragon, it would be him. He's tenacious.”

“Ooh, big word, Kili. Finally paying attention to your lessons?” 

The archer laughed and shoved his brother. “Shut up.” 

Fili grinned, his eyelids heavy with exhaustion. “You're right, though. He could.” 

“If this happened, Fee, if everything went right and we had Erebor back, Amad would never have to work another day in her life if she didn't want to.” 

For as long as the boys could remember, and even before they were born, Dis had worked her fingers to the bone, picking up different jobs and tasks, making money where she could. She had to work even harder after their father died. Dis had the stubbornness of a Durin, though. Even while she grieved, she never gave up. “She can finally rest.” 

“She'll have the respect she deserves. Everyone will realize what an incredible dwarrowdam she is.” 

Fili finally allowed his eyes to close, greeted with images of a “What-If” life. New clothes without holes, good, fresh food, enough gold to pay for what they needed. Warmth and comfort. Dis and Thorin finally at peace. “If this happens, Kee, I'm doing it for her. Maybe more than I would for Thorin.” 

“Me too. I want to see her smile.” Kili paused briefly, his tone turning serious. “I don't care how old I am when it finally happens. I refuse to be left behind.” he whispered. “Where you go, I go.” 

There was no fighting Kili on that. And Fili wasn't sure if he really wanted to. He couldn't imagine being away from his brother for months without even a word. They were at their best when they worked together, that's how it had always been. The fear of danger was still there. Still so real, it was hard to chase away. He would keep Kili safe. He had been protecting Kili since the day he was born, and he would continue to until his dying day. They would fight tooth and nail for each other.” 

“I know, Kili. And I'll keep you safe.” 

  
  


 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahaha so much build-up sorry
> 
> I wanted to set the stage a little but then OOPS muse went wild.


	3. Reality

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Orcs? No. No, he was only joking about that earlier-- Kili willed his muscles to move enough to grab his bow and quiver. He pointed out the direction Fili had went to Dwalin before dashing off himself. What little light they had that evening had faded quickly and the weather was worsening by the minute. The thunder crashed and the rain coming down in sheets, obscuring their vision. The forest was hard enough to navigate during the day in clear weather; how were they supposed to find their way in anything like this? The panic was starting to claw its way up Kili's throat."
> 
> The great big world isn't as much fun as the boys thought it would be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, darlings, I live. 
> 
> First off, I'm SO sorry it took me so long to update. All my classes decided to pile assignment upon test upon giant essays on me as soon as I got back--and classes six days a week is more exhausting than I thought. I kid you not, every time I tried to work on this chapter, I would stare at it for a moment, write a word, and then doze off. 
> 
> Not to mention it decided to be a complete asshat. I think I rewrote this chapter three times? (and broke it into two). 
> 
> And second: THANK YOU!! All your comments and kudos and interest in the story make my heart grow about five times bigger and squeal aloud (my sister's witnessed this a few times, poor thing.) Seriously, though, you're all so wonderful. I never thought this would get the feedback it's been getting. 
> 
> I'm posting this late and it's unbeta'd, but I really wanted to get it out. I'll check it over again in the morning to fix any mistakes. 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!
> 
> Warning: Brief violence -- not explicit but it's there.

To the princes' delight, after Kili's coming of age the following year, Balin had reluctantly allowed them to take their lessons together again—under one condition:

 

“Now that the both of you are of age, I expect you to be on your best behaviour.” Balin warned. “If I see the two of you acting like children, I will split you up again and there will be no more chances. Are we understood?”

 

Fili and Kili nodded in unison, their eyes wide and looking as innocent as they could manage. They had _most definitely_ matured in the past few months, they both agreed. They wouldn't allow themselves to be separated again, for Fili's sake more so.

 

Fili barely had time to spend around people his own age anymore unless they were family, his instructors, and on occasion Balin's apprentice—an awkward but sweet lad about his age. His heart would sink a little when he'd notice his friends around town, laughing and carefree, with no major obligations to weigh them down. He couldn't remember the last time he'd spent an evening with them. Of course, a busy schedule was to be expected when you were the nephew of the dwarf who established the settlement, and Fili thought they understood that—they told him they did—but trying to talk to them when he did have a free moment just made everyone feel awkward. It made him angry. So much of his growing up was already taken, dedicated to lessons and weapons training and _primping—_ why couldn't he just have this?

 

Kili was starting to feel the weight of everything, too. After his name day, they were both given an increase in, well, _everything._ Balin's workload had increased (and grown increasingly confusing—lessons about questionable morality, and how to react in situations that seemed near impossible to figure out. The boys were both left with migraines by the end of it all) and Dwalin was working them until they were ready to collapse. The older guard's face had grown grimmer and his temper shortened, leaving less time for fooling around. Fili would always be thankful that Thorin hadn't asked or expected him to take on more work at the smithy. It would have broken him.

 

And so this was growing up, Fili supposed. No time for fun, barely time for rest. No wonder Thorin smiled so little. The worst was that they expected him to act like an adult, treated him as such, but then kept information from him. He _knew_ his uncle and the sons of Fundin were withholding something important. The whispers, the late night planning, the meetings kept so confidential. The secrets they held were kept behind iron bars. Any inquiries were shot down immediately.

 

Balin was the only one to really give them any sort of response—and it was one that made Fili want to rip his braids out in frustration.

 

“All in due time, lads.” The old dwarf would say so calmly, then smile and steer the conversation to safer territory.

 

* * *

 

Fili truly did enjoy being around Balin, as frustrating as he could be. But he was also wise, knowledgeable, and he always made time to listen to the Fili's problems. Balin respected his privacy; he never turned around and told Thorin or Dis everything Fili confessed to him. He sat and listened, even if he didn't always agree with what the prince had to say. Balin was patient and diffused so many situations that might have turned into battles between Thorin and the boys. He would talk Fili down from his boiling point, would help the prince to see _why_ Thorin was acting the way he was. Or agree that his uncle was being unreasonable and offer to take up the issue with Thorin. It was so unlike trying to talk about this sort of thing with Dwalin. He nearly refused to listen if the problem was with Thorin; he was so painfully _loyal_ to their uncle all the time, it was almost infuriating.

 

That being said, Fili's enjoyment of Balin's company would never extend to being a captive audience for the old dwarf. The lessons were still long and painfully dull, even with Kili back at his side. He wasn't _meant_ to be cooped up in a study while the sun was out. He would never be able to understand the allure of being surrounded by dusty tomes and getting covered in ink when there was so much excitement right outside. It took everything inside the prince to walk calmly and not run outside when the lessons were over. Being stuck in the study made him savour his time outside even more than he did already, especially during the warm months.

 

It was always Fili's favourite season. He remembered spending the hottest days down at the creek with Kili when he was a dwarfling, stripped down to their smallclothes, chasing and splashing each other in the icy water. Always in the shallow end, as they promised Dis they would stay. They ran and swam and shrieked with laughter until the Sun began to set, skin littered with goosebumps and teeth chattering too hard to talk. The two would creep around the trees on their way back to the house, pretending to hunt the imaginary orcs and goblins. They would jumped out from behind the bushes and tree trunks, slashing with sticks at the invisible fiends with their best battle cries.

 

They would return to the house with cheeks streaked with dirt and exhaustion nestled deep in their little bones, but grinning ear to ear and ready to regale their adventures to their father with renewed energy.

 

“Ah, my little warriors, back from hunt already?” Vili would laugh as two little bodies collided with his legs, resting a hand on each of his sons' heads.

 

“Yes! We killed lotsa monsters, Adad!” Kili cried, trying to climb his father's arm.

 

Fili would fight back a smile and try to look serious as he nodded along with everything Kili said. “No more orcs in the forest. We kept you safe!”

 

“Well, your Amad and I are very grateful for your lads' protection.” He would smile, his eyes crinkling with unrestrained adoration for his boys. “I might even show my thanks by sneaking you both an extra biscuit after dinner. But it has to be our little secret—no need to get me in trouble now.”

 

No matter how much time passed, the gnawing ache in his chest that followed the thoughts of his father never dulled. He was in his sixties when a real pack of orcs cut his father down—too young to join the fight. Too young to try and save Vili.

 

“Fili? You almost ready to go?”

 

The blond shook his reminiscing off quickly and turned to Kili, who was securing a bedroll to the top of his pack. “Yeah. Of course. Come on, we shouldn't keep Dwalin waiting.” he shouldered his own pack and headed for the stairs, off on their first major training expedition.

 

It would only be for a few days and their destination was only about sixty miles from the city limits, but the boys were nearly vibrating with excitement. If this was successful, they would be able to move on to helping guard caravans leaving Ered Luin. It was the sort of excitement and change they both needed.

 

* * *

 

There was an agreement between the brothers before the trip that they would keep the excited chatter down to a minimum—or at least a decent volume—while they traveled with Dwalin. Their efforts quickly dissolved by the time they reached the gate, finishing each other's thoughts and changing topics too quickly for anyone else to keep track of. Either Dwalin was easing up on them again, or he was getting better at ignoring them.

 

Dwalin stopped the two, giving the two of them a look that shut them up immediately. “I know ye lads are excited, but I need ye t' stay focused. Once we're out there, I ain't just yer instructor—I'm yer captain. If I tell ye to jump, ye ask how high. If I tell ye to stay quiet, to run, to fight, ye do it—no questions. Are we clear?”

 

“Yes, sir!” was the reply in unison, their faces as serious as their instructor's.

 

“We'll make you proud!” Kili promised.

 

 

They quickly realized that surviving out in the wild was much simpler in theory. It was easy to plan how they'd find shelter, food, and drinking water when they had were warm at home and had full bellies. But with nothing to eat but cram, their water supplies dwindling, and Dwalin's insistence to travel in one long stretch had Fili and Kili's exuberance waning quickly.

 

“Mister Dwalin?” Fili said, frowning up at the clouded grey sky. “I think it's going to start raining soon.”

 

“Aye, probably.”

 

“So shouldn't we be finding shelter?”

 

Dwalin looked back at him and raised an eyebrow. “And do ye see any that I don't, Fili? We're in the middle of a damn field. Not a cave 'r tree in sight. We keep goin' until we reach the forest, storm or no.”

 

Fili shrunk back a little and shut his mouth, turning to Kili and sharing a displeased look when the first raindrops began to fall.

 

The rest of the expedition turned out to be a bit of a disaster. Even after four days and nights, the rain refused to let up, and Dwalin refused to let them turn back. They would need to learn to brave the elements, as miserable as they were, he would continue to say, occasionally through gritted teeth. The brothers bit back any complaints until the two were alone—then Kili did nothing but. They sat under a makeshift shelter guarding the camp while Dwalin was out surveying the area. The rain had went from a drizzle to coming down in sheets, leaving them soggier than before, exhausted, and overall in very bad moods.

 

“All we need now is an orc attack and this trip will have been _perfect.”_ Kili huffed, wrapping his thoroughly soaked cloak around him in a futile attempt to keep warm.

 

“Oh, shut _up_ already, will you? Keep complaining and you'll draw _everything_ towards us.” Fili snapped. If he wasn't so sluggish, he would have shuffled away from his brother's side. The two had taken to huddling together to stay warm—which had worked until they were both too waterlogged.

 

Kili bristled. “Of course _I'd_ be the one to bring them here. Everything is my fault, right?”

 

“Well, _I_ haven't been the one complaining _nonstop._ ” Fili sneered. “You're hungry. You're cold. You're miserable, _I get it._ We all are, so get over it.”

 

“Right. Of course. I forgot you can do no wrong. Perfect Fili who can handle everything without complaint. Perfect Fili who rolls over and does what anyone tells him to do--”

 

“Shut up, Kili! _Mahal,_ you can be such a fucking--” Fili snapped his mouth shut quickly, forcing himself away from Kili. He slumped a little, losing steam. He didn't have the energy for this.

 

“A 'fucking' _what,_ Fili?”

 

“Nothing. Never mind. I don't want to fight you.” he said, avoiding his brother's gaze.

 

Kili rose to his feet slowly and narrowed his eyes, his nose ( _his stupid, tiny Elf-like nose_ , Fili's brain grumpily supplied) scrunching. "No, no. I would _love_ to know what the Golden Prince actually thinks of me." he spat. "You act like you're so much better than everyone because you're the heir and everyone's favourite. But you're _not_ better, Fili, you're just their whipped dog. ' _Yes, Uncle! Of course, Uncle! Yes, Mister Balin!_ " he mocked in a falsetto, fluttering his eyelashes innocently. "How many times have other people had to fight your battles with Thorin, huh? You don't stand up for yourself, _ever._

"You just come crying to me later, or you take your frustration out on me. The one person who _isn't_ telling you what to do! You know what you are? A fucking _s_ _hekâl."_

 

"Fuck. _You._ " Fili snarled, shooting up and shoving Kili back. "How _dare_ you! You have no  _idea_ what it's like, Kili! _You_ aren't the one with his future already planned for him with no say; _you_ aren't the one who had their entire growing up taken away! You've always been allowed to do what you want. You don't have all these damned _rules_ to follow, you can get away with so many things I'd be punished for. 

"And you think _I'm_ everyone's favourite?" he laughed unkindly. "Terribly sorry, are we thinking of the same family? _You're_ The one that Thorin dotes on and our parents cooed over! You're like a puppy--cute, loveable, but in the end, _useless._ " he hissed, glaring hard. "You think I'm a coward because I don't fight back? Well, maybe you'd get it if you realized it just gets me into more trouble. I'm _sorry_ if Thorin's valuing your opinion more than mine is such an inconvenience to you." He grabbed his swords and sheathed them with more forced than necessary. He threw his hood up and stormed off deeper into the forest.

 

"I might be useless, but at least I don't run from my fights! Real brave of you, Fili!" Kili shouted after him. He turned and let out a frustrated growl, kicking the trunk of the tree. Damn Fili. Damn the rain, damn this _trip._ He slipped back to the ground with the most sour expression.

 

Dwalin emerged from the other side of the camp a few minutes later, frowning when he only spotted one of the boys. “What's with all the noise? An' where's yer brother? Did I not tell ye to stay here?”

 

Kili crossed his arms and shrugged, frowning. “Dunno. Don't care. We got into a fight, and he decided to be an idiot and run off."

 

Dwalin grumbled something under his breath. “Well, go find 'im, then. We're leavin'.”

 

“Is that such a good idea? I might end up punching him if I go now--”

 

The warrior glared hard. “Then punch 'im if yeh need to. Now get over yerself, princess, and find yer brother!”

 

Kili got up and opened his mouth, but his retort was immediately cut off by the most inhuman noise he had ever heard. It was a guttural noise and a screech all at once and it made his blood run cold. “W-what was that...?”

 

“Orc _filth._ ” Dwalin snarled, clenching his hammer tight. “We need t' find Fili _now._ ”

 

Orcs? No. No, he was only _joking_ about that earlier-- Kili willed his muscles to move enough to grab his bow and quiver. He pointed out the direction Fili had went to Dwalin before dashing off himself. What little light they had that evening had faded quickly and the weather was worsening by the minute. The thunder crashed and the rain coming down in sheets, obscuring their vision. The forest was hard enough to navigate during the day in clear weather; how were they supposed to find their way in anything like this? The panic was starting to claw its way up Kili's throat. 

 

“Kili, this way—the branches are broken,” Dwalin shouted, turning and bulling his way through.

 

Kili followed after him quickly, hearing another screech—closer this time, and accompanied by a person's cry. 

 

_Fili._

 

How many orcs were out there? How many found Fili? Did they--? No. No, he couldn't allow himself to think like that. They would find him alive, he would be okay. Kili wouldn't allow their last conversation to be a pointless argument that he started. The guilt and panic was merging together deep in his stomach. He felt nauseous. This was all his fault. Fili never would have run off if he hadn't said all that.

 

“Fili! Fili, where are ye?!” Dwalin called out. Kili smacked into the large dwarf when he stopped dead in his tracks. There was another terrified shout from Fili, then a shriek, a gurgle, and a thud. “ _Shit!_ ” Lightning flashed in the sky, illuminating their path for a split second, followed by thunder even louder than the first round.

 

Kili grabbed Dwalin's arm quickly and yanked. “There, it came from there!” he said, pointing to their left before running off.

 

“Dammit, Kili, wait!”

 

There was no time to wait. No time to wait for anyone, he had to find his brother. Every second counted. “ _Fili!”_

 

There in the clearing stood his brother— _standing,_ thank Mahal—shoulders heaving, swords by his sides and dripping with black blood. The orc lay slain before him, blood bubbling from the slice in his throat and abdomen. “It, it jumped out. Out of nowhere, it just--” the blond rasped, eyes wide with shock. His swords dropped to the ground with a wet _thump_ and he stumbled forward.

 

“Fee!” Kili jumped forward to stablize him, wrapping an arm firmly around his waist. “It's okay,” he whispered quickly. “It's okay, you're okay, you got it. You're okay, you're okay--” he wasn't sure if he was convincing Fili or himself more. He noticed the blood oozing down his brother's cheek then. “You're hurt...” he lifted a hand, hovering just over the nasty gash on his cheek bone.

 

“N-no, I'm fine--”

 

Dwalin stepped closer to them once he'd surveyed the area. “Ye alright, lad?” he asked, his voice more gentle than either of them had heard in a long time. Fili nodded weakly. “We need to leave, now. The fucker might've been a straggler, but I don't wanna risk it if there's more around. Can ye walk?”

Fili nodded again, taking a wobbly step. He gasped as soon as he put pressure on his left leg, quickly returning to leaning heavily against Kili. “I'll, I'll be fine. Let's just go.”

 

“I'll help him.” Kili said, adjusting so he could take more weight off Fili's leg. “Fili, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, I never meant--”

 

The blond smiled shakily, though humourless and with no hint of his usual cockiness. “Do you still think I'm a s _hekâl, nadadith?_ ”

 

* * *

 

Though the rain had finally ceased, it took them longer to return to Ered Luin with Fili's ankle in the condition it was in. Fili protested the slower paced, swore to them he could tough it out, but the pain that crossed his face with every step betrayed him.

 

“We're takin' it slow, Fili, no arguments. Yer amad's already gonna have my balls f'r gettin' ya mixed up with an orc. I ain't riskin' losin' anything else if I let ye wreck yer ankle, too.”

 

They took breaks more frequently and set up camp more often. The ground was still soft and muddy, but their clothing was finally drying. Kili was unusually quiet still. Fili wasn't sure which was worse—the constant complaining or the silence and guilty looks his brother kept giving him.

  
They really needed to talk, but Fili found he was just too tired. Surely they could wait until they got home.

 

* * *

 

 

Fili was grudgingly laid up in bed as soon as he got home, his skin scrubbed pink and his ankle raised up on an extra pillow. It was only a sprain, at least. He had started dozing off until he heard the sound of crashing pots, a pained yelp, and Dis's enraged shouting.

 

Ah. She must have finally gotten a hold of Dwalin, then.

 

Fili wasn't sure if he was glad to be missing the sight or not, but he reveled in the fact that his mother's anger wasn't directed at him or Kili this time. An angry Dis could make the mightiest of warriors quake in their boots.

 

There was a gentle knock at the bedroom door before Kili entered, flashing Fili a sheepish smile. “I came to escape for a while. It was fun to watch at first, but then it got scary.”

 

“That bad?” Fili propped himself up on his elbows.

 

“I've never seen Mister Dwalin look so much like a dog with its tail between its legs.”

 

“Amad has that effect on people.” They shared a small laugh and then went quiet, both looking anywhere but each other.

 

Kili shuffled awkwardly before sitting on the edge of Fili's bed. He looked up at his brother so remorsefully Fili was sure he might cry. “Fili, I....I am _so_ sorry. About everything I said. I was being a complete _arsehole._ There's no excusing the things I said—Mahal's _beard,_ I don't even know why I said half of what I did—the stress and weather and hunger, I guess. But...if it wasn't for me, you wouldn't have been hurt.” The archer meant for it to come out calmly and slower, but it all sort of tumbled out over itself. As long as Fili got the message, it was alright, he supposed. “I don't think you're a coward. Or a dog.” he whispered.

 

“And I don't think you're useless. I never have.” Fili replied, reaching for Kili's hand. “We were being idiots.”

 

“The biggest.” Kili scooted closer and hugged him tight, careful not to jostle his leg.

 

Fili smiled gently and returned the embrace. “I'm sorry, too. I really am.”

 

Kili pulled away enough to look him in the eye. “So we're all right now?”

 

“We're all right, nadadith.”

 

It was like a weight being lifted off of both of them. Fili relaxed against his pillows, feeling lighter than he had in days. He might even be able to sleep well now--

 

“Fee?”

 

Or not.

 

“What is it?”

 

Kili hesitated. “What...what was it like?”

 

Fili raised an eyebrow. “What was what like?”

 

“You know. Killing the orc.”

 

Fili swallowed, thinking of an answer. _Awful_ , was the first word that came to mind. “Not like anything I expected, I guess. I realized how cocky I am when we're training, but then it actually happened, and I froze. I never realized how _big_ they really were. How fast. In training, there's safety nets. We know Dwalin and our opponents in the ring won't actually try to hurt us. But, Kili, this...it came at me wanting to kill me.” He suddenly felt more exhausted than before. “This giant, filthy creature coming at you trying to slit your throat. It came down to kill or be killed. It wasn't the first time I've killed something, but it was _nothing_ like hunting.” he paused. “For me, I suppose. It could have been planning to eat me, I don't know. Don't want to know. It was terrifying.”

 

“Just remember Mister Dwalin said there's no shame in being a bit shaken. He said the first kill, the first real fight is always the hardest.” Kili murmured, patting his brother's good leg in reassurance.

 

Fili said nothing for a long moment. He then looked up to his brother, pained. “I kept thinking of Adad after it happened. I kept wondering if that was how he went. Did they sneak up on him? Was it one or a whole group? Was he as scared as me?” his voice lowered to a whisper. “Did he suffer?”

 

Kili froze, his hands clenching into fists. “Stop.”

 

“I almost went the same way as him, Kee. If I hadn't slipped when I did, the thing's blade would have gotten my throat.”

 

“I said _stop,_ please. Just _stop_ , Fili, I don't want to think about this!” Kili snapped. “I don't want to think about his death, or yours, or...” he trailed off, curling up on himself. “I thought I was going to find you dead, and it would have been my fault. I couldn't live with that, with being the cause...”

 

“Kee. Kili, look at me.” He sighed when Kili refused to. “Remember that time I about drowned you?”

 

“What does that have to do with anything.”

 

Fili reached over and yanked on his brother's hair gently, finally getting Kili to face him. “A lot, really. You almost died because of something I did, I almost got hurt because of something you did.” he shrugged, smiling gently. “We do reckless things. Neither of us are perfect. I guess that means we even now, though?”

 

Kili's eyebrows furrowed. “But we were kids when that happened, and you _did_ get hurt! It's different.”

 

“We're barely adults now.” he snorted. “And it's only minor injuries. So no, it's not that much different. It happened, I forgave you, and we're both alive now. So let's drop it, all right? Stop beating yourself over it.”

 

“All right,” Kili murmured, shoulders slumping. “Fili?”

 

“Mm?”

 

“Next time we go out there, we don't leave each other's sides, not during a fight.”

 

Fili smiled. “Not for anything. We keep each other safe.”

 

“Swear it.”

 

“I swear.” The promise was sealed with a knocking of foreheads.

 

* * *

 

On the positive side of things, Fili's injury meant everyone had insisted on him taking some time off to recover, which he accepted gladly. On the downside, _recovery_ meant lying in bed or sitting in a chair. No walking, no going outside, no _anything fun_ while everyone was away—which was most of the day _._ He had quickly crossed into the 'Bored to Tears' territory within the first few days. Fili had never been so idle. Perhaps he should take back what he said about rooms full of dusty tomes. He would gladly take that over frustrating failed wood carvings and the books around that failed to capture his attention. Fili attempted playing his fiddle, but it was never much fun playing alone.

 

His recovery break had given him a lot of time to think. About Thorin, specifically, and how little he was around the house anymore. Upon coming home from the disastrous adventure, Fili found out Thorin wasn't even _in_ Ered Luin. Off on a trip to a nearby town, Dis had said. It wasn't that surprising, really. Thorin had been leaving more frequently, meeting with people in and out of town. Never saying who or what for, and being aggravatingly secretive. What was odd, Fili thought, was that Dwalin hadn't accompanied him this time. Did they set it up that way? Keep the brothers busy so they wouldn't ask questions? He really needed to stop obsessing over this; trying to work out what his uncle was doing wasn't fun anymore, it was just irritating him. He'd hoped Thorin was at least taking care of himself. His uncle could be so single-minded when he had his heart set on things.

 

It was the third day after their return that Fili had even seen Thorin. He was nodding off in the cushioned chair in the living area when the creaking of the front door stirred him. He blinked away the fuzziness of his nap before turning in his chair, giving Thorin a tired smile. “It's been a while since I've seen you.”

 

Thorin looked up immediately, working his boots off. “Fili. How are you? I heard you had quite the trip.”

 

 _Better than you look,_ he thought, noticing the bags beneath his uncle's eyes and the additional silver that ran through his hair. “ _Bored._ But fine, otherwise. It's just a sprain, I'll be on my feet soon enough. Did you just get in?”

 

“Yesterday,” he replied, releasing his hair from the low ponytail he usually kept it in while he worked. “I checked in on you, but you were asleep. Kili and your amad filled me in on what had happened.” he gave Fili a brief smile. “Heard about the row she had with Dwalin afterwards.”

 

Fili snorted in amusement. “I'd hardly call it a 'row' when the yelling was completely one-sided. I think the whole neighbourhood heard it.”

 

“I wouldn't doubt it.” Thorin sank into the seat opposite Fili's, melting against the back of it, his eyes drooping shut.

 

Fili's smile faded. “If you're that tired, you should go rest. We'll wake you before supper.”

 

Thorin opened his eyes and shook his head. “No. I need to meet with some officials about the settlement soon. I simply came back to clean myself up and check on you.”

 

He tried very hard to not sound as disappointed as he felt. “Uncle. When's the last time you had a full night's sleep? Or eaten at home?”

 

Thorin frowned. “Fili, don't start this. I get enough of it from your mother.”

 

“Then maybe you should listen to her.” he sat up straighter, staring his uncle down. “I know the taking care of the settlement keeps you busy and the smithy. I know you can't just shirk those duties, but this extra project you have going? It's going to _kill_ you, if you keep up with the pace you're at. You're just a dwarf, Uncle, you're going to run yourself into the ground if you don't start caring for yourself.”

 

“Enough.” he growled in warning, clutching the arms of the chair until his knuckles went white.

 

“And what good are you to anyone, yourself included, if you just drop dead before your time? We've had enough loss in this family already--”

 

“I said _enough_ !” Thorin barked, raising from his seat. “I will not have you speaking to me like I'm so dwarfling. You know _nothing_ of what I'm trying to do.”

  

Fili stood—sat, more accurately—his ground, his eyes narrowing. “Then _enlighten_ me, dear Uncle.” he challenged lowly. “I would love to learn about this secret you've been obsessing over.”

 

Thorin's jaw set and he inhaled deeply through his nose a few times, looking out the window as if to collect his patience again. It was impressive, really, that he wasn't yelling at Fili already. It took a few more moments until Thorin spoke again. “I cannot yet.”

 

Fili threw himself back into his chair, frustrated. “Of course you can't. No one can, or will. I'm your _heir_ , Thorin, don't I have a right to know what you're doing if it's this important?”

 

Thorin finally met his eyes again. “Not this time. Not so early in the planning--”

 

“So it _is_ about Erebor, then.” the prince's eyes narrowed.

 

“I said nothing of the sort.”

 

“You didn't need to. You wouldn't get this worked up over anything else. So why can't you tell me? I won't tell Amad, or even Kili, I promise—”

 

“Because it is none of your concern right now, Fili.” he began to walk towards the hall. Thorin hesitated and then turned to his sister-son again. “It is about Erebor, yes. But that is all you need to know right now.”

 

Fili carefully got to his feet, wincing as he put too much pressure on his ankle at first. “So you're going to reclaim it. Actually doing it this time?”

 

“Sit down.”

 

He ignored his uncle's demand. “And that's what all the meetings with Dwalin and Balin have been about? And why Mister Gloin and Oin have been around? What's changed?”

 

“ _Damn it,_ Fili, get off that ankle!”

 

“I will when you swear you'll tell me everything that's going on.” he countered, trying to will away the pained expression threatening to creep onto his face. “Swear it, Thorin.”

 

His uncle let out a frustrated groan. “You stubborn pain in the— _fine._ We'll talk about this soon. When _I_ decide it's time.”

 

“But--”

 

“End of discussion. Now get off that leg before I make you.”

 

Fili sat back down with a grumble, watching Thorin walk to his room, the door shutting with perhaps more force than necessary.

 

His one answered question had bred about twenty more. He wondered how long Thorin would drag this out for.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "And the readers wondered how long the author would drag this thing out for." 
> 
> Amad - mother  
> Adad - father  
> Nadadith - little brother  
> shekâl - coward (found on the tumblr khuzdul4u)
> 
> Note 1: I've seen a lot of stories where the boys' father dies before they get to know him or remember him, but I like to think he was there for a large portion of their growing up. Fili was pretty close to him. 
> 
> Note 2: Ha ha, isn't it funny how the summary of this fic makes it seem like it's all in Nori's POV, but Nori isn't even in this chapter??? This thing keeps changing its mind on what it wants to do, ffs. He takes the spotlight in the next one. 
> 
> Ta!!


	4. Reunion, pt. 1

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let me just preface this chapter with I AM SO AWFUL I'M SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG. I have good reasons, though-- school, theatre, a creative slump, final exams, and a new summer job (DREAM JOB GUYS). It last few months left me with very, very little time to write. When I was able to write, this chapter would not work with me. I'm still not entirely happy with it, but I'm tired of working on it and just really wanted to get it out.
> 
> Warnings: some blood; a very brief, slightly dubcon kiss towards the end. (I swear that'll be the only dubcon this story will see.)
> 
> Unbeta'd, any mistakes are my own.

Dull.

Filthy.

Stagnant.

No matter how many times Nori left this damned city, no matter how long he stayed away, Ered Luin would remain the same. It would always be divided between the wealthy dwarves who had already occupied the Blue Mountains and the newer, poorer populations pinned beneath their thumbs. Nori was born while his family was on the road, traveling in exile with the other Erebor refugees, but this city was all he remembered. _Decades_ had past and there was still little integration between the two groups. The hierarchy was unshakeable it seemed.

He didn't know all the specifics but he was told Oakenshield was able to strike a deal with the city officials—did he have to grovel? He was a proud dwarf, everyone knew that, but the officials seemed the type to enjoy the sight of others on their knees. The refugees would be allowed to live in the slums and along the outskirts of the city. The land was closer to the city gate, where the dangers were higher and the grounds less fertile, and in return for Ered Luin's _generosity_ , the outer gates would be patrolled and protected by soldiers from Oakenshield's division. Most of the guards in the lower parts of the city were Erebor's own when the original Ered Luin guards retreated further into the safer sections of the city. 

“I know it's hard right now, my gem,” his mam would say when he was little, stroking his hair to distract him from an empty belly. “But we're safer here than the road. Things will get better one day, I promise.” She always had that far away look in her tired eyes, looking back to days when she didn't have to worry so much. When there was more food and less mouths to feed. Nori wished she would have lived long enough to see the changes she always spoke of, but at the rate it was going, _he_ would die of old age before anything significant happened.

There was a fading hope that marriages between Ered Luin's dwarfs and the refugees might help mend the gap between them, but it never did. Even Erebor's royalty were below the lowest of the Ered Luin nobles – no one was keen on helping the members of a cursed line, the descendants of a mad king who led so many dwarfs to their deaths with nothing to show for.

Nori couldn't savour the thought of royals being knocked down a few pegs when it meant those who started with little were even worse off now. He lived in the slums all his life, he had grown up watching and experiencing suffering first hand. He saw what desperation led to, what hunger and lack of hope would do to someone. They could claw up the walls until their fingers bled, but they would always be kept down. 

It made him sick.

When it was too overwhelming, he would make his leave. Sometimes he planned ahead and let people know he was leaving, and other times he slipped away like a ghost. It was better to leave without saying much—less chance of him being followed. He usually didn't stay away as long in the latter case, but this time was different. There had been...a few delays. Not that he minded much, it added a little more excitement to his life, and he'd been able to explore more of the East than he was ever able to before. He could never stay in one place for too long—he was destined for the road. Nori craved the adventure and freedom traveling gave, the excitement of joining caravans or going off on his own. It was like a temporary fresh start. With a clean slate, he could be anyone he wanted to be for a few days or months, if he were far enough from home.   

But soon enough the novelty of anonymity would fade and he was left bored. The infamy he had in Ered Luin would always taste the sweetest. He was on top in this hole of a city and he missed it. He missed knowing ever nook and secret place the city had to offer. He missed his people, the few friends and acquaintances he kept, and his hideaways.

But most of all, he missed his family.

His brothers really were the main reason he ever returned to Ered Luin. He could make a name and life for himself in any city if he so tried—he knew the best ways to make allies and find out all the secrets. But the ties to his family were irreplaceable, and he had no desire to break them. The line was frayed, though, and he knew a few more mess ups could sever it completely. His relationship with them was...strained at best—with Dori especially. Ori was steadfast in his belief that things would improve someday. His baby brother was always so patient with him. He always forgave him for the fights and long absences. Would he still be like that? Nori had been gone so long, maybe Ori had finally given up. His heart sank a little at the thought.

Even when they eventually disowned him (and they would. Nori was prone to pushing things too far), he knew they would still be his weakness. They were the only commitment he couldn't run from completely.

And oh, he _despised_   commitment. Commitment was confinement. Suffocation. Unnecessary bonds that kept him chained to the ground. It kept him from leaving when he needed to. It was a constant teetering on that edge of loss.

Loss meant grief.

Grief meant vulnerability. 

Vulnerability meant stabbed backs and slit throats.

Though he might act it at times, Nori really wasn't heartless. He cared deeply for those he considered family and stayed when he was needed.

When his mam struggled through her pregnancy with Ori and worked every day despite it, he stayed and helped with anything he could.

When the illness finally confined her to her bed a decade after Ori's birth, the life leaving her eyes a little more every day, he stayed to take care of her.

When it was just himself and Dori left raising their baby brother alone, he stayed. Nori did things he never thought he would to provide for them where Dori just couldn't (and Mahal knew he worked himself ragged trying).

But the time trapped at home was making him irritable. The little spats between he and Dori began turning into vicious arguments. After he found little Ori bawling his eyes out because of their fighting one day, he knew he had to leave. They conflicted too much to live together peacefully. So with a kiss to Ori's brow and the crudest hand gesture he knew thrown at Dori, he left for good.

He would go weeks, sometimes months without seeing them, but he never abandoned them entirely, he justified. Nori checked in to make sure there was enough food on the table and that rent was paid, and knowing that they didn't need him anymore gave him a sense of peace (and _only_ peace, he told himself, shoving down any hurt. He was _fine_ ).

He took a deep breath and kept to the side streets, discreetly glancing over his shoulder ever few moments. Should there be a permanent falling out with his family this time around, or old... _acquaintances_ still looking for him after all this time, Nori was prepared to hightail it out of Ered Luin and return to his new allies. He was dressed in unremarkable travel attire and his signature three-peak hair fell down his back in a single braid. Maybe, if he were lucky, he could have a few days of peace before jumping back in. A few days to gather information and prepare to meet with his brothers.

When it came down to it, he was far calmer in a knife fight than he was when he had to face Dori--he was much better at fighting dirty than keeping a level head in an argument.

Nori needed to find a place to stay and quickly. His old haunts were out of the question, though, and he wasn't ready to brave Dori's house yet. His lips quirked up slightly as he headed in the direction of his final option. There was an old friend he needed to say hello to.

* * *

It had been a long day—no, a long _week_. A recent cave-in in the mine, albeit small, left the crew with extra clean up and repair before they could continue working. A handful of dwarves sustained injuries, and though it was nothing more serious than a broke bone or two, it would still leave the mining crew painfully short-handed for the next few weeks.

He thought about stopping in at the tavern for a drink—Mahal knew he needed it with what he was dealing with—but the desire to scrub the dust off his skin and collapse face-first into bed greatly outweighed any other option. Or it did until his stomach growled in protest. It was then he realized how ravenous he was; he'd eat anything put in front of him at this point, even those disgusting, bitter leafy greens Bifur had grown so fond of as of late.

He let out a tired sigh as he approached the little shack he shared with his cousin. Pushing open the door, he was immediately greeted by the rumbling Khuzdul of his cousin and a cackle he would recognize _anywhere._ He stood frozen in the doorway, his mattock falling to the floor with a heavy _clank_.

That _piece of shit._

There at Bofur's table with his feet kicked up like he owned the place, head tilting back languidly and a stupid smirk plastered on his equally stupid face, sat the cockiest dwarf Bofur ever had the (dis)pleasure of knowing. “There you are, Bo'. You really need to reconsider your security. Ol' Badger Beard's been letting any lowlife just walk in off the streets.” 

Bofur felt a sudden rush of energy and excitement, but the happy feelings quickly shifted to frustration as he stood a few steps closer. “You, Nori son of Yris, are the most _inconsiderate bastard_ I have ever known!” He snapped.

Nori stood up and leaned against the table. “Have we just met?” The smirk slipped from his face when he realized Bofur wasn't in a joking mood.

“Three years, Nori, _three years!_ You skipped town without the decency ta let anyone know you were leavin'!” Bofur jabbed a finger at Nori's chest. “You left yer brothers _and_ yer best friend worryin' that 'Oh, maybe Nori actually got himself killed this time.'”

 “I sent a letter...” Nori tried halfheartedly.

 “Letter-- Oh, you mean the chicken-scratch note sayin' you were alive and would be home in a few months?”

 “So I was a little off my timeline.”

 “For two more years?!”

 Nori had nothing to say to that.

 Bofur dropped his hand and sighed, suddenly exhausted again. “I thought you were dead, Nori.” he said quietly. “I see ya just the day before, and the next...yer gone without a trace. But this time no one knows if ya went on another trip, or if someone finally took ya out.”

 Nori was really left with no choice here; he'd have to just swallow his pride and “I'm....sorry.” he forced out. “To have put you through all that, Bo.”

 Bofur looked up at him in surprise. “What?”

 “ _Please_ don't make me say it again.” Nori pushed himself off the table and wrapped a hand around the back of Bofur's neck, bringing their foreheads together. “Look, I'm still alive; you can't get rid of me that easily. I'm like that damned stray cat you fed years ago. I'll just keep comin' back.” 

Bofur grinned. “Aye, but the little beast was much nicer and better lookin' than ya.” he teased.

Nori laughed and let go of him, pushing him gently. “Thanks. So...am I forgiven, Bofur?”

The miner nodded. “I suppose ya are.”

 “Great. Because, ah, I really need a place to stay for a few days. Just until I find out if there's still someone out for my head.”

 Bofur rolled his eyes. “Nori, there will always be some'un out for yer head with the shit you pull. Ya know yer always welcome here.”  

 Nori grinned. “I knew I could count on you.”

 Bofur raised a hand. “ _But_ you are goin’ to have ta make this up to me. You can start with buyin' me a drink or five, and maybe even dinner, no— _definitely_ dinner, I'm starvin' here—”

 Nori wound his arms around Bofur's shoulders, pressing flush up against him and smirking. “Oh, darlin', you know I'm _very_ good at making things up to you.” he purred, winking salaciously.

It was then Bifur cleared his throat loudly from behind them, causing Bofur to redden slightly when he remembered his cousin was still in the room. Nori shot the toymaker an impish grin. “We'll try not to wake you up this time, Bifur. You have my word.”

Bifur gave him an unimpressed look and shook his head, grumbling under his breath as he returned to the intricate puzzle box he was carving.

Nori let go of Bofur finally and brushed the residual dust from his clothing. “Go change and we'll go get you that drink, eh?” He turned to Bifur. “Are you joining us?”

Bifur gave him a small but ultimately fond smile, signing something along the lines of _“I've been around you long enough.”_ Though the older dwarf declined the invitation most of the time, Nori still offered. Bifur had always treated him well despite everything, and Nori would be damned if he didn't return that. Bofur and his family had been in Nori's life since the two were inseparable dwarflings. They had always welcomed him with open arms, even when they already had enough family members to take care of.

Bofur hesitated slightly. “Nori, is is safe for you to go out right now? There's been some changes around here I need to tell ya about--”

 The cocky attitude was back instantly. “I'm almost insulted you think I could be caught so easily." 

"It's just that the new guards are--"

"I don't care what the new guards are, Bo. I've been outrunning guards since before I was sixty, I know a few things." Nori waved him off flippantly. "Come with me or don't, but either way I'm still leaving. I need to catch up on what I missed."

Bofur just sighed, relenting. "Alright, but if ya get caught, it's all on you." 

"Of course. Now let's go."

* * *

 

Bofur was the kind of dwarf Nori needed most in his life. He was never trying to change Nori, he simply accepted him as he was. Bofur stayed on the right side of the law and made it very clear he wasn't going to help Nori with his schemes--aside from the occasional less-than-legal gambling pools but no one was perfect. Unless Nori was acting especially wreckless, he didn't receive the disappointed and judgmental looks from his friend. Bofur was quick to forgive but refused to take Nori's shit, and the thief liked that. He knew he deserved a good punch (whether an actual one or metaphorical) to the face ever now and again.

The dimly lit back road they had taken towards the tavern (not Nori's tavern--Bofur refused to take him to that one) wasn't as populated as the main roads and so there there were far fewer guards patrolling the area. Even if they ran into one, Nori knew he would be fine. The buildings there were particularly climbable for someone as limber as he was.

 The laughter between them as they reminisced had died down when the look on Bofur's face shifted into one of concern. Oh, Nori had seen that face far too much today as it was. Anything not in the realm of optimism and joy was simply unsettling on Bofur.

 "Bofur, what's wrong?"

 Their eyes met. "I know ya tried to brush this off earlier, but I really do need t' tell you about what's been goin' on around here. Ya need to be careful--I mean actually careful, no goin' around tauntin' guards. There's been a major shift lately; everyone's talkin' about it."

Being the social dwarf he was and frequenting the local taverns, Bofur heard all the gossip. He was so easygoing, people were willing to talk to him about nearly anything. Plus a few drinks in some of those dwarrow had them blabbing all the latest going ons without a second thought. It was another thing Nori liked about Bofur: he was always a well of information when the thief returned from his trips.

Nori raised an eyebrow. "What sort of shift?"

“They’re workin’ on makin’ the settlement a better place, and some of the things they’re doin’ are actually workin’. It’s finally givin’ us hope again, Nori. Maybe by the time Bombur’s li’l ones are grown, they’ll have a chance.” Bofur paused and chuckled softly, shaking his head. “Y’know, it’s weird t’ be talkin’ about this like it’s a bad thing. But I guess things were always a little opposite for ya.”

Nori smiled slightly. “Always.” he agreed. “Now stop beating around the bush, Bofur. What are they doing that’s so wonderful that I need to be afraid of?"

“You remember Dwalin, don’t ya? Son o’ Fundin?” Bofur asked.

Mmm, did he. Nori smirked. “I could never forget him. He was always my favourite.” Dwalin was the other member in Nori’s private game of cat and mouse. A tiny, terrible little cat and a freakishly large, tattooed mouse. Or maybe it was the other way around? The details didn’t matter.

Bofur frowned momentarily. “This ain’t a joke, Nori. He’s been promoted t’ Captain of the Guard now. An’ he’s not a bad fellow, I mean, when yer on the right side of the law. Anyway, he’s been’ weedin’ out the guards who were bein’ paid off to turn a blind eye t’ things. Guard patrols have increased, too. An’ he got busy fast--he’s already cleared out a few of yer old haunts.”

“My tavern being one of them?”

Bofur nodded. “It’s why I didn’t dare take ya there--” 

“That _arse!_ ” Nori spat, scowling. “It’s just like him to ruin my fun.” Now things were getting serious. No one had ever been able to clear that place out when Nori was around. Though Dwalin wasn’t in charge back then. Things would go back to normal soon. Nori could rebuild. Dwalin had never caught Nori before unless he let himself be caught, he could easily evade him again. But if he couldn’t… “Do you know how much connection he has to my family? His brother Balin is the one Ori’s apprenticing under and the one Dori’s smitten with. It’s disgusting.” And also made it harder if he ever got into a serious altercation with Dwalin.

“Oh, speakin’ of yer brothers…”

Bofur should have known him well enough to know these were _not_ topics Nori wanted to think about right now. Unless...had something happened to them while he was away? What if someone came looking for him and found them instead? _No._ No, Nori never did anything that would trace back to his family. He would never be that careless.

 

“They miss you a lot.” Bofur finished.

Oh. Well, that was significantly less awful than what Nori had expected. It wasn’t anything new, either. “Ori always misses me.” he said.

The lad was always seeing the best in people. That worried Nori a little--too often he had seen what some people were capable with and how twisted they were; he didn’t want Ori getting in trouble for trusting the wrong person one day. His little brother--hardly that little anymore, his mind supplied--was smart though. He could take care of himself just fine without Dori smothering him.

“Dori does, too.”

Now _that_ Nori wasn’t expecting. He gave Bofur a look. “Are you just saying that in an attempt to make us talk again, or did he actually tell you this?”

“Oh, he told me!” the miner said, returning to his cheerful self. “I’ve seen ‘im quite a lot lately.”

“ _Why?_ ” 

“Because he’s actually a pretty nice fellow?” Bofur shrugged. “I paid yer brothers a visit when I got yer note. I knew they were worryin’ themselves ta death over not hearin’ anything about ya for so long. I wanted t’ give ‘em some peace of mind. Let ‘em know you weren’t rottin’ in the wilderlands.” Bofur gave him a smile. “An’ then we started catchin’ up! Y’know, I hadn’t realized how long it’d been since I’d seen ‘em until I saw Ori. When did he grow up? He finished his apprenticeship, ya know.” Bofur paused when he realized what he said. “Well, no, I guess ya wouldn’t, there wasn’t really any way we could tell ya--”

Nori knew Bofur didn’t mean anything by it, but his stomach sank in disappointment. Yet another milestone in his baby brother’s life he wasn’t there for.. He’d even missed Ori’s coming of age--that name day Nori had spent hiding from a crime lord he “accidentally” pissed off. It really wasn’t his best moment. With every passing year and new thing he fucked up, Nori wondered if he’d ever be able to make it up to Ori. 

“...--and we’d run into each other on occasion and talk fer a while. You came up a lot.”

“Oh, I’m sure Dori had plenty of stories to tell. Come on, Bo, you can’t honestly tell me Dori wasn’t the least bit relieved to finally be rid of me?” Nori’s tone had soured. If he had been Dori, he would’ve been overjoyed to have that thorn out of his side. Then again, Nori wasn’t exactly good at the whole forgiveness thing.

Bofur sighed in disappointment, the smile slipping from his face. “Nori, come on. Easy up on ‘im a little. I know ya don’t see eye-to-eye, but believe me when I say he really didn’t badmouth ya. He was worried. Every time you came up, he just looked sad.” His face softened. “He’s still yer family, Nori. Is it really so hard to believe he misses you?”

“You don’t _understand_ , Bofur. You get along with your brother. Any fights you have get cleared up as soon as they happen. Dori and I have years of unsettled shit piled up. He’s been kind enough to not disown me.” Nori swallowed, his shoulders slumping. He really couldn't do this right now. He couldn't get distracted by family just yet, not until he was safe.

Bofur squeezed Nori’s shoulder. “Not too late ta fix that, y’know. Dori’s willin’. Ya just need to actually talk to him.” he smiled reassuringly. “Are ya gonna see ‘em soon?”

Nori nodded. He couldn’t run forever, could he? (Well, he _could_ …) “Once I get settled.” He had to think things through and maybe learn how to say nice things. This could be his last chance to fix things, he couldn’t let it all blow up in his face again.  He thought about the peace offerings he had for his brother, buried deep in his pack. Maybe it would smooth things out if he let Dori know he acquired them legally? Which was true, and oh, did it hurt to actually pay for things... “But until then, I’m staying with you and paying you in booze.”

Bofur laughed. “You’ll probably regret that decision later--” He stopped in his tracks, catching something out of the corner of his eye. He quickly latched onto Nori’s arm and pulled his quickly into the shadows. “Nori…” 

Nori quickly zeroed in on what Bofur was staring at. The hulking figure was closing in on them, the axes strapped to their back glinting in the few lamps that were still lit. When did it become so quiet? Were they really the only two--three--people on the road now? Nori cursed under his breath. “Bofur, we’re going to have to do this another night. Go back to Bifur, I’ll take care of this.”

Bofur’s eyes widened. “You don’t expect me ta just leave ya now, do ya? I can distract ‘im, give ya time to run--”

“ _No._ I’m not dragging you into this. Now _get._ ” Nori hissed, giving his friend a shove. “I’ll shake him off. You’ll see me in a few hours at most, promise.”

Bofur opened his mouth to retort but immediately gave up. “Don’t get yerself killed.” he said, stepping away. When Nori was set on something, there was no arguing. It was just a waste of breath.

Nori took a moment to collect himself and then swiveled around, strutting towards the guard with a cocky grin. “Look what we’ve got here. Tell me, does the Captain of the Guard take time to welcome all the newcomers, or am I just special?"

“Yer somethin’ alright.” Dwalin’s lip curled into a sneer. “Three years without any sign of ye’, I was gettin’ ready to celebrate. Here I thought we’d finally run ye’ off f’r good, but then I turn a corner and there ye’ are.” 

“Here I am.” Nori sang, raising his hands with a flourish. “Admit it, you would have missed having me around. I make your dull job a little more interesting.” he winked at the larger dwarf. “I know _I_ missed _you_.”

“Nori, I’d miss havin’ an orc blade through my gut more than ye’. Yer really ain’t as special as ye’ think ye are.” Now that was simply uncalled for. “Yer a petty thief--more of a nuisance than a threat.” he growled, grabbing onto Nori’s wrist tightly. That was also quite rude. And foolish to say. If Dwalin only thought he was a nuisance, then he really had no idea what Nori was actually capable of.

“You wound me, Dwalin,” Nori pouted. He leaned in closer, placing his free hand on Dwalin’s chest and letting it slide down slowly. “I’m sure we can work out a deal.”

“Ye’ can’t charm ‘r fuck yer way outta this one, Nori.” he spat, grabbing his other wrist. “Me an’ my guards ain’t that easy--” 

Nori snorted. “Want to test that? Because I seem to remember a few times when you--” 

“ _Shut yer mouth_.”

 Nori leaned in closer, adrenaline causing his heart to hammer hard against his ribcage. "Make me." He slammed his mouth hard against Dwalin’s, capturing it in a sloppy kiss that was more teeth than anything. Nori bit down on the guard's bottom lip until he tasted blood, shocking him enough for the grip on his wrists to loosen slightly. Nori twisted his arms until they faced upwards and pulled hard, releasing himself from Dwalin's hold. He jumped back quickly, grinning like a fox.

"Now what was that you were saying about not being easy?” he taunted, dodging each grab Dwalin made for him. He twisted away when the guard lunged for him, laughing like he was nothing but a dwarfling play tag. “Seems like you still need to work on your focus!”

This was such a dangerous game. Dwalin was so much larger, stronger, and far more experienced in fighting--he had enough scars to prove that--but his bulk made him slow. When he was younger, Nori always envied his mother and older brother for their more “dwarvish” frames--solid and stocky bodies versus his own smaller build. Later on, however, he stopped cursing it when he realized how much more agile it allowed him to be. He could slip into small hiding places, climb faster, and dodge well-aimed punches and attacks. It still took him time to learn how to be softer on his feet (he _was_ still a dwarf), but it came with practice. Years of practice and fighting dirty.

He knew he should run now that he had the chance, but oh he _loved_ to taunt Dwalin. He had three years of it to make up.

Nori hopped from foot to foot. “Let’s make a deal, darlin’, shall we? I want to see if that fancy new title you got has made you any better at catching me.” he danced out of Dwalin’s reach again, reveling in just how upset the guard was getting. “So, if you do, I will do _anything_ you want. Deal?” Nori spared a wink before turning around and dashing off.

Dwalin could honestly say he hadn’t missed this. Not one bit. He took off after the thief, swearing under his breath as he went. “Nori, ya _sunova_ \--!”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 1\. I love exploring unreliable narrators, so Nori's parts are always a lot of fun. 
> 
> 2\. my headcanon is and will always be that nori and bofur are bffs and occasional friends-with-benefits that will never change 
> 
> 3\. I watched two videos and researched for like 10-15 minutes how one could get away if someone had both their wrists restrained, and I still did an absolutely horrible job describing it. Sorry about that.


	5. Reunion, pt. 2 (preview)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They were leaving in two weeks.
> 
> In two weeks, his mother would be left completely alone.
> 
> In two weeks, they would be marching perhaps unknowingly to their deaths. 
> 
> In two weeks, Fili's entire life would change.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I swear to all the deities, I will try my hardest to update this thing more than three times a year. Three months without an update is ridiculous and I'm sorry. This summer has been so busy with work and just life in general. I was getting really stumped with this story and had to put it away for a while. That helped a lot, actually, because when I came back, I was ready to write again and figured out the direction I wanted this to go in. 
> 
> So to everyone who is still reading this, thank you thank you thank you. You darlings give me life. 
> 
> A note about this chapter: This is the first part of chapter 5. The other sections of this chapter are still in rewrites and editing, but I really wanted to get something out and this part was a good stand-alone. So when the other parts are finished, they will be combined to make the real chapter 5. Thank you all for your patience!!!

Apprehension. Now that was a far better descriptor than _scared._ Scared described a cowering dwarfling clinging to their mother's skirts during a thunderstorm; apprehension was the feeling a warrior had before the dawn of war. _Scared_ was the coward running from something with their tail between their legs. Apprehension was standing tall even when one's body threatened to crumble from bone-deep anxiety. Sons of Durin did not feel _scared_ , and Fili was determined not to contradict that. He felt fine, really. Better than fine. He was _ready._

Or so he desperately tried to convince himself.

Everything had suddenly become so _real._ Talk had become preparation and assumptions became fact.

“ _I wish for the two of you to accompany me to reclaim Erebor. I would be honoured to have such valuable fighters on my team._ ”

Nothing filled Fili and Kili with more elation than such high praise from their uncle. The two of them had practically tripped over each other in excitement to pledge their service to Thorin. He had looked so pleased. Dis, on the other hand, was _livid._ Their mother was a very vocal person—loud when she was happy, loud when she was upset. This quiet anger, however, was perhaps the most terrifying. She kept her voice low and uncomfortably steady for as angry as she was, her darkening eyes boring right through Thorin asking him how he _dared_ to do this without consulting her first.

Fili had rushed to diffuse the situation. _“Amad, please, we_ need _to do this. We can't keep living like this, this isn't our rightful home and never will be, I know you feel that, too. I see the look in your eyes whenever you try to convince us that it is. We have to take back Erebor, for our people. For_ you. _”_

The look on her face was unreadable for a few very long moments, before it suddenly snapped into a forced smile as she excused herself to take care of...something. She kissed her sons and brushed past Thorin like he wasn't there.

That had effectively distinguished the exhilaration and high Fili shared with his brother, and the weight of the situation began to weigh heavily on his shoulders.

In two weeks, they would change.  
  
In two weeks, his mother would be left completely alone.  
  
In two weeks, they would be marching unknowingly to their deaths.   
  
In two weeks, Fili's entire life would change. 

“Fili! I've looked everywhere for you. Should have known to check here first...”

Fili jumped in surprise, scrambling to cling to the branch he was perched on. If he _did_ fall out of the tree, he probably had enough time to aim himself to land right onto Kili... That would teach his brother to accuse him of _hiding._ Hiding was childish and un-kingly. Secreting yourself away in a private place where no one would find you to escape your issues was much more dignified, thank you. He glared down at Kili. “No, you wouldn't.” he said indignantly. “This is the first time I've come up here.” 

Kili responded with an eye roll before he began quickly scaling the tree, hoisting himself onto the branch next to Fili in a matter of seconds. “How daft do you think I am, Fili?” he frowned hard when Fili smirked at him. “Don't answer that, I'm warning you. And don't change the subject! You aren't as sneaky as you think you are—you _always_ come here to brood when you think no one is around.”

“Kee, this may come as a surprise to you, as you do neither, but brooding and thinking are two separate things.” 

Kili barked out a laugh, elbowing Fili roughly but good-naturedly. “You're an arse.”

Fili smiled then, bumping shoulders with him. “I speak the truth. ...But really, I wasn't brooding. I had to get away, let myself think things over.”

The atmosphere changed then, the tension falling over them again. Kili began absent-mindedly picking bits of bark from the tree. “It's hitting me, too.”

  
Fili said nothing. There really wasn't anything _to_ say.

“...Earlier you had told Amad you already knew this was happening.”

Fili knew they would have to discuss this sooner or later, but he really would have preferred it wait. He had too much to deal with already without Kili's hurt feelings over not telling him. He suddenly felt more tired than he had in days. “I couldn't have told you, Kili, you know that. Thorin would have found out and he swore me not to tell anyone.”

That was partially true. Thorin finding out that they found out meant he would think they were wheedling (which they were) and become increasingly frustrated with them if they asked too many questions (which they would.) It had never really stopped them in the past, as neither of them was particularly good with keeping secrets from each other. The fact Fili went this long without telling Kili was astounding.

No, in reality, Fili was still torn between his desire for Kili to join them on the quest and his desire for Kili to stay home and as far away from the danger as possible. Thorin had watched his own younger brother die—Fili wasn't sure he would ever be able to recover from something like that.

It didn't seem to completely satisfy Kili but he took it anyway. “I suppose you're right. He finds out everything eventually.”

Fili nodded, hoping this meant the end of this conversation. He had felt guilty enough withholding things from his brother. “We should go inside now. We need to be at the smithy early tomorrow.”

Kili tensed up briefly. “We can stay out here a little longer. It's nice. This tree has a nice, ah...” he made a vague motion with his hand. “view.”

“...It's Amad, isn't it?”

“Aye.” Kili answered guiltily. “She's still not saying much and she won't even look at Thorin. She's angry with us, I think. That we're leaving.”

Fili mulled it over for a moment. “I don't think we're the cause, Kili. If she's angry, it's with Thorin for not telling her about this before asking us.” He said sagely. “I think she’s upset with life. She’s already lost so much, she doesn’t want to lose us too.”

“She won't.” Kili said firmly. “We'll be okay. We'll have an _army_ with us, Fili, and we've trained for so long. You heard Thorin! Valuable fighters, he called us.”

Fili struggled to grasp to the same optimism Kili had, but years of training to be practical and sensible distinguished those chances. They had been combat trained, and they were good. Damn good. But they had never experienced war. Kili had only killed animals for food; Fili had...taken down that orc a few years back, but it was a memory he still tried desperately to block. It still haunted his dreams sometimes. He would wake up with the stench of blood and orc burning his nose. But deer and game and orcs were not comparable to a _dragon,_ a beast that would melt the flesh from their bones in seconds. Fili was certain no one who would be accompanying them on the quest had experience with _that._

_We're not ready for this. We might never be ready for this._ His mind whispered. _This could turn into another Azanulbizar. Or worse. I don't want to watch anyone die, Kili._ He bit his tongue to keep the words from flowing out, tried so hard to think about this as a chance at freedom instead of thinking of it as an end to everything.

Fili stayed silent, watching the colours of the fading sun bleed into the clouds.

Sons of Durin did not feel fear—then why was he so damn terrified?


	6. Reunion, pt. 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If Fili had learned anything tonight, it was that Nori was a deeply unlikable dwarf. He thought he would be perfectly content spending as little time as possible around the thief on their journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I was working on getting this updated and I was doing some final updating in the upload window, and my browser decided it'd be a super time to crash! I lost an hour of editing and it was very upsetting. 
> 
> I also realized it's been two months since I've updated. I didn't think it's been that long, I completely lost September, it was such a blur. I might be really terrible at frequent and consistent updates, but rest assured that this fic will definitely see an end. I'm too invested in it and have many plans for it, so it won't be abandoned. Thank you for all your support! Your kind comments and kudos mean so very much to me and really boost my confidence. 
> 
> I may try to shorten chapters and see if I can update more frequently, but we'll have to see. 
> 
> Anyways. Guess what two dummies finally meet!

As it turned out, the fancy new title Dwalin possessed _did_ make him better at catching Nori. The thief, however, would swear until his dying day that he had _let_ Dwalin arrest him. His foot slipping on that crumbling bit of wall and dangling low enough for Dwalin to grab him by the ankle and yank him down had been _completely_ purposeful. Dwalin was getting up there in age, after all—Nori had to go easy on him once in a while. He told Dwalin as much, letting him know that the easy arrest was his gift to the guard, something to boost his (probably) waning confidence. Yet Dwalin had the audacity to laugh in Nori’s face and respond with “Yer full of _shit.”_ before tossing him unceremoniously into a cell.

Dwalin had also grown to be painfully boring, wasting Nori’s offer to do _anything_ on the order of “Yeh said ye’d do anythin’ if I caught yeh, aye? Then siddown an’ shut yer mouth.”

Hmph. See that Nori ever do anything nice for anyone ever again. He flopped back onto the pallet in the corner of his cell with a huff, glaring up at the ceiling. It had been nearly three days since he was thrown in here. There were no visitors, no mention of bail, not even a glimpse of Dwalin. He couldn’t even attempt to pick the locks, either, because of the guards stationed outside of his cell at all times. Perhaps he should feel flattered that they thought he was worthy of so much security, but he was much too frustrated to preen now.

Frankly, he was embarrassed. Back in town for less than a day and the guards caught him during a pathetic excuse of a chase. Was anyone even aware that he was rotting away in here, or did they just assume he ran off again? Nori silently prayed that Bofur didn’t tell his brothers that he was back. Their reunion was going to be hard enough as it was, they didn’t need to see him behind bars again.

Nori was growing increasingly restless. He switched positions three times before finally sitting up and crossing his legs, trying to catch the eye of the guard sitting against the wall across from his cell. He needed a distraction before he got lost in his own head again. Nori tried waving his hand to get her attention, which she pointed ignored, focusing even harder on sharpening her weapons.

He frowned and tried again. “Oi! Tholma, wasn’t it?”

She stopped momentarily, her dark, steely eyes flicking up to meet Nori’s briefly. “Don’t see why that’s of any importance to you.”

He smiled charmingly, his head tilting to the side slightly. “Am I not allowed to get to know the new guards around here? I don’t recognize most of you now.” He said. “And surely you must be as bored as I am. You’ve been sitting there for hours, and there’s only so many times you can sharpen an axe, darlin’.”

Her nose wrinkled in disgust. “Let’s get something clear here, _rat._ I don’t need to make small talk with you, and I ain’t your _darlin’._ ” She spat the last word like a curse and ran the whetstone along the axe blade again with a little more force than necessary. “There ain’t any chance of you charming yourself outta this one, Nori.”

Damn Dwalin. Damn him and his honest and equally-as-grumpy underlings. The least the bastard could do was show his face and explain what was going to happen to Nori now. He was in here for crimes he had committed _years_ ago, surely they could let some of it slide? Nori grimaced. The way this new system was, there was probably no chance of that. Constant supervision by dull guards and disgusting food were his indefinite future.

He would end up dying here, he thought miserably. Whether it be from boredom, or malnourishment, or saying the wrong thing to the wrong guard, only time would tell. He lied back down with an overwhelming feeling of defeat and stared at the cold stone wall by his side. He wallowed in his self-pity for a while, oblivious to the heavy thudding of boost echoing down the hall. It didn’t matter who it was or what their intentions were. What did anything matter while he was locked up in here? Nori didn’t snap out of his sulking until he heard the familiar rumbling outside his cell.

“Tholma, yer done here. Go join Gamil on patrol.”

“Yessir.” The dam grunted, getting up and marching towards the exit obediently.

  
Nori shot up suddenly, his entire demeanor changing. It was about damn _time._ He stood up and stretched like a cat, his joints popping.

“Hello, Dwalin.” He purred, sidling closer to the bars with a smirk on his lips. “I was _just_ thinking about you.”

“Spare me. I’d rather not know what’s goin’ on in that sick little head’a yers.” he sneered, pulling the key loop from his belt and flipping through them painfully slow. _Klink. Klink. Klink._ “Step away from the door.” He commanded, not bothering to look up.

Nori raised his hands innocent and moved back a few steps. “What could I possibly do to you like this, Dwalin?” There was a very long list of things, in fact. “You took everything I had. But if you wanted to be _really_ sure, a strip search would—”

“For the love of—do you _ever_ shut up?” Dwalin was becoming visibly more agitated the longer he was in Nori’s presence and it was the most delightful thing Nori had seen in days.

The tip of Nori’s tongue peeked out and ran along his lips slowly, an eyebrow quirking up. “Only when my mouth is full. Want to help with that?” he asked, winking.

Dwalin was turning a fascinating shade of purple now, whether from anger or embarrassment, Nori didn’t particularly care. “One. Time. Nori. It was one fucking time, now let it _go—_ ”

“Twice, actually!” Nori chirped with a foxlike grin. “Don’t you remember the first time? You spent the night with that pretty thing you met in the tavern and woke up the next morning missing your coin pouch.” _That_ had been a great time. He still felt smug about it.

Dwalin snarled, grabbing Nori by the collar of his tunic and shoving him against the cell’s wall. He was firm enough to get his point across (and knock the breath from Nori’s lungs) but not rough enough to actually hurt him. He wasn’t a typically cruel guardsman. “ _Enough._ ”

To anyone else, having an outraged warrior growling in your face and pinning you to a wall would be terrifying, but Nori merely laughed in his face like it was the best joke he’d heard in days. As if he hadn’t been through worse. “Ooh, I like it when you get rough—” His little act ended immediately when he heard the sound of clanking metal and all traces of humour were wiped from his face when the cold weight of the heavy iron shackles settled on his wrists. “What the fuck are you doing?” He couldn’t stop the quiver in his voice as he was being locked into the cuffs. Fuck fuck _fuck,_ he could _not_ let Dwalin have this advantage. He refused to give Dwalin any sense of victory.

Dwalin took a step away, pulling Nori towards him by the chain. “I’ve been chasin’ yeh for _years,_ Nori. No matter how many times yeh wind up here, no matter how many enemies yeh make, yeh just don’t _learn._ I’m bloody sick of dealin’ with yeh. Maybe somethin’ drastic’ll finally set yet right.”

As if the ever-present security for someone Dwalin had referred to as nothing more than a petty thief on multiple occasions wasn’t drastic enough. Nori knew exactly where this was going, though, where _he_ was going. He knew this might happen, but he had gotten so _cocky._ Now his fate was sealed and there was so little he could do about it. He tugged lightly at the cuffs to test the tightness as Dwalin dragged him into the street. Night was falling and the streets were growing emptier by the minute. There was a slim chance he could slip through the cuffs, he thought, his eyes darting around nervously, taking every possible escape should he get away from Dwalin. He would have to dislocate his thumbs, though, eliminating any quick escape through climbing…

The probability of Dwalin dragging him back was too high. The guard was on high alert this time. There was no way Nori could bribe or persuade him, couldn’t distract him long enough to run… The odds were simply not in his favour.

  
The panic began sinking its claws deeply into his chest. From day one, his mentor had warned him about this, had tried to nail it into his head why he had to be _so damn careful._

 _“I don’t care how good you think you are, kid. Don’t get cocky. You know how many thieves who thought they were so great lost a hand, or worse their_ lives, _because they thought they were above the law? Be smart.”_

When had Nori stopped being cautious? He had seen this happen so many times. Criminals being escorted to the chopping block while other guards and dwarrow gathered around to witness the punishment like some sick sort of entertainment, and Nori watching and foolishly thinking he would _never_ be in that position.

Nori’s stomach plummeted even lower. He had slipped up and now he would lose his hand. Hands? Would they take both of them? How vicious were the guards feeling tonight? How would Nori be able to face his brothers after this—unless…oh, Mahal. What if they were in the attendance? Nori thought he would rather die than face that level of humiliation. A thief was _nothing_ without his hands.

They were walking down one of Nori’s streets—or, what _used_ to be one of his streets—on their way to the town’s centre. He barely recognized it now. It was quiet, empty, and in somewhat better shape.

“That finally shut yeh up, did it?” Dwalin said, sounding disgustingly smug.  
  
The fear and misery had quickly morphed into anger—Nori’s blood ran hot through his veins and he let out a growl. How could someone act so nonchalant about ruining someone else’s life?! Of course he realized the irony and hypocrisy at his outrage, but he didn’t care. He had ruined many people to get where he was at, but he was _Nori._ A dishonourable, conniving bastard—it was expected of him. On the rare occasions that he did help others, it was in most cases because it would benefit him later on.

Yet even after everything he had done to reach the top, in the end, it had gotten him nowhere. He had fallen from his throne and had fallen _hard._

“You can’t do this.” Nori said harshly.

“An’ what makes yeh think yeh’ve got any say in this? Time to own up to yer mistakes, Nori.”

He couldn’t do this because, well…because. “My family will suffer if you do! How’s a dwarf supposed to change and find honest work if he’s been mutilated? What good am I to them if I can’t work? They could starve, or—”

“They were doin’ just fine while yeh were gone.” Dwalin interrupted lowly. “Better, even.”

 _“How dare you_.” Nori hissed, outraged, yanking hard at his shackles. “You know _nothing_ about my family, Dwalin, what gives you any right to pretend you know?! You have no _idea_ what our lives have been like, and you can’t even pretend you do. We didn’t have the fortune of being lords and royalty.” He spat. “I did what I had to survive, even if that meant taking on dirty work so my family wouldn’t _starve!_ ”

Dwalin stopped suddenly, forcing Nori around and pinning him down with a harsh look, a grim scowl etched deep into his scarred face. “This ain’t a competition of who’s had the worst life, Nori. We’ve all suffered, status and titles be damned. That don’t matter here—”

“Oh, my mistake, of _course_ it doesn’t. That certainly explains why you’re _still_ treated better than the lot of us. You poor thing, it must be so hard.”

Dwalin grabbed the front of Nori’s tunic and yanked him forward until their noses met, his breath puffing hot against Nori’s face. “Yeh don’t want me t’ act like I know yer life? Then don’t act like yeh know _mine._ Yeh ain’t some special case, Nori, quit actin’ like yer the only one t’ deal with shit—” Dwalin stopped, breathing hard. He pushed away from Nori roughly but kept a firm grip on the chain. Dwalin suddenly looked so much older, a haunted look Nori had never seen on him before filling his eyes. One didn’t even have to talk to Dwalin to know he’d had a rough life, but that still gave him no right—

“I turned a blind eye fer _years,_ Nori. Tried to ignore the things yeh did, because all I saw was a scared, scrawny dwarf tryna feed his family.” He said quietly, the anger still present. “I knew it was wrong, lettin’ thief get away with so much. But yeh were barely more than a dwarfling an’ I couldn’t watch a family starve back then—”

Nori bared his teeth like a cornered animal. He didn’t need anyone’s fucking _pity_ , especially Dwalin’s. “Oh, but now you’re all right with it? Feel like you’ve accomplished enough good deeds?”

“I stopped lettin’ it go when you stopped doin’ it outta necessity and started doin’ it for _yerself._ ” Dwalin growled. “Yeh haven’t done this for yer brothers in _years,_ Nori. Yeh do it because yer nothin’ but a greedy, power-hungry lowlife. An’ where’s that landed yeh?” he asked, tugging Nori along a little further. “I think yer brothers are better off without yeh draggin’ ‘em down.”

Nori was seething. What right did this bastard think he had to talk about Nori that way? Ori and Dori were his _brothers,_ they _needed_ him. He wasn't a great brother most of the time, and he was a bit of a disappointment, he knew that. But they were family. _Are you sure it's not just_ you _who needs them?_ A little voice whispered in the back of his head. Nori felt sick to his stomach. That wasn't true. They had to stick together.

 _But when have_ you _ever stuck with them?_

Nori had never wanted to run so badly. Find a way to slip out of Dwalin's grasp and run as long and as hard as he could, until his lungs were burning and he was miles away from this damned city. If he escaped now, though, he could never come back. This was his last chance.

 _Does it matter? They're used to your absence already. Ori's spent most his life not_ really _knowing you. Run now and keep some dignity._

But Nori didn't run. He allowed himself to be dragged behind Dwalin again. Everything was broken now, and Nori had no idea how he was going to pick up the pieces at the end of it.

"There you are, Mister Dwalin!"

Dwalin had stopped suddenly, Nori very nearly bumping into him, effectively breaking out of his haze. He took a step to the side to take a look at who was holding them up. He was a young dwarf, around Ori’s age probably, golden-haired and bright eyed. He was annoyingly  _pretty_ and dressed fairly well (better than most of the dwarrow Nori knew anyway).

“Fili. Why aren’t yeh inside?”

The lad had been standing outside of the tavern— _Nori’s_ tavern. Nori hadn’t noticed until now that they had remained on the same road as before, the one Nori used to know like the back of his hand. They were nowhere near the chopping block.

“Thorin was getting impatient. He wanted me to…um…” Blondie trailed off, growing visibly confused as he eyed the chains on Nori’s wrists. “check if you were…nearby. Mister Dwalin, who is this?”

“You’ll find out soon enough. Go tell Thorin we’ll be in shortly.”

Blondie nodded, his eyes still on Nori. The thief gave him a harsh look and the lad turned away quickly, skittering back into the tavern.

"What the _fuck_ are we doing at my tavern, Dwalin?" Nori growled.

Dwalin gave him a look. "Does it look like _yer_ tavern anymore, Nori? You don' own these streets anymore." He had the audacity to smirk smugly. "An' this is where we decide what happens to yeh."

"Oh, so you and Oakenshield are going to discuss my fate over a pint, are you? Does Blondie have authority on that, too? He looks hardly older than a dwarfling.”

Dwalin stopped, his expression darkening suddenly as he stared Nori down. “Lay a single finger on the lad, and I swear I will break all of them. Clear?”

Nori raised an eyebrow; that wasn’t the sort of reaction he expected from Dwalin. “I want _nothing_ to do with any of you, trust me.”

Dwalin relaxed slightly. “Now I know it’s a foreign concept to yeh, but while we’re in there, I expect yeh t’ show some respect for Thorin.”

Nori scowled. He didn’t see why he should. He didn’t owe Oakenshield a thing.

“Didn’t think yeh’d agree so easily.” Dwalin said, tugging Nori towards the door by the chain. “We thought invitin’ yer brothers might make yeh behave."

  
The colour drained from Nori’s face immediately. He dug his heels into the dirt in an attempt to combat Dwalin’s strength. “You’re _lying._ ”

“Why don’ we go in and find out? Haven’t seen ‘em in a while, have yeh? I’m sure they’d _love_ t’ see yeh after yeh abandoned them.”

“I didn’t--! …Take off the shackles.” Nori demanded, desperately trying to keep the quiver from his voice. “Dwalin!” He was growing more and more desperate the longer he went without an answer. “ _Please_ take them off. I swear, if they’re in there, I won’t run, I _promise—“_ he pleaded. Nori was mortified with himself. How could he let himself reach this level? Oh, how the mighty had fallen.

“Shoulda thought about that earlier, Nori.” Dwalin replied flippantly. “Maybe this’ll knock some sense into yeh.”

The humiliation settled heavily in Nori’s gut as Dwalin pulled him into the tavern. This was his last chance to make things right and he had blown it. He couldn’t tell Dwalin—the guard wouldn’t give a shit about his situation. And why should he? Nori was just a thorn in his side. Seeing his life fall apart would probably only satisfy Dwalin more so. He clung to his last shreds of composure, holding his head high and keeping his face neutral. Why let anyone else know how defeated he was?

There in the back of the tavern, in the corner Nori had claimed as his own, sat his brothers with their backs towards the door. Across from them sat a regal-looking dwarf with hawk-like features and dark hair streaked with silver. _Oakenshield._ Nori’s nose wrinkled in disgust. The would-be-king looked up and sent Dwalin a nod of acknowledgement. The others dwarves at the table, including Dwalin’s brother and Blondie, turned to look, and Nori wished the ground would open up and swallow him.

Ori’s entire face lip up at the sight of Nori—it almost made his heart ache how excited his baby brother was. “ _Nori!_ ” He started to stand but was immediately pulled back down by Dori.

Nori swore Dori almost looked excited for a moment—until he caught sight of the shackles on Nori’s wrists. The expression dropped into one of disappointment and embarrassment. “Oh, Nori, what did you do now…?” he said softly, sighing and turning back towards the table.

“So,” Thorin spoke, standing up smoothly, his eyes locking directly onto Nori. “You’re the thief. Dwalin’s told me so much about you.” Thorin circled him slowly, like a warg would with its prey.

“Then I hope he told you how much I hate royalty.” Nori replied, his voice sweet as sugar. “And that I want nothing to do with whatever it is you want me for.”

“He mentioned you might be hard to persuade.” Thorin said conversationally. He stood in front of Nori again. “Dwalin, take the shackles off. I’d like to speak to him on the same level.”

Dwalin hesitated. “That’s—not a good idea, Thorin. He’s a runner.”

“I’m sure he’ll stay long enough to find out what we brought him here for.” Thorin said. His eyes flicked towards Nori’s brothers. “And I understand he hasn’t seen his family in some time; surely he won’t run so soon.”

“Can you just get to the point?” Nori snapped, the anger bubbling up again. He glanced towards the table, catching Ori’s eyes. Dori still wouldn’t look at him. He probably _would_ run if he had the chance; he was aching to get away and lick his wounds in peace. It had been one embarrassing fumble after another since he came back to Ered Luin. If he left now, though, it was surely destroy what there was left of his and Dori’s relationship. “I…won’t run.” He said quietly.

Dwalin growled something under his breath and begrudgingly removed the shackles. Nori rubbed at his wrists. “Now will you tell me what you want?” He could see Dori visibly bristle at Nori’s _audacity_ of speaking to royalty that way.

“I’ve been told you’re an excellent thief. Quick, quiet, good at away unseen.”

“Aye.” Nori was getting really tired of his stalling. “What of it?”

“I've been looking for someone with your skill set, Nori, and I think you might be the best match. I've been warned about you, however. You’re honourless and hold ties to no one. A liar and a criminal wanted in many different places.” He stopped in front of Nori, staring him down hard. His voice lowered. “I hear you fancy yourself a king of sorts; a leader of thieves and criminals in this part, is that right?” The bastard was mocking Nori now. “Or—you did. You’ve lost your kingdom, though, haven’t you, Nori. You ran and lost everything.”

Nori dug his nails hard into the palms of his hands. Was there a point to tearing him down even more?

“Your empire’s gone, Nori. Wiped out. And I’m sure you no longer hold the power you once had.” Thorin paused momentarily, his hands clasped behind his back. “So from one exiled king to another, I would like to negotiate.”

Nori’s nose crinkled. “Negotiate _what._ ”

“It’s time to take back Erebor, and I need the services of talented and loyal dwarrow—“

“You said yourself I’m not loyal.” Nori interrupted.

“No, but you may be more willing to help if there’s a reward. In return for your services of retrieving the Arkenstone, your record will be wiped clean and you will receive an equal portion of all treasure found within the mountain.”

Nori stared at him in shock. Whether it was from the reward amount or the fact Oakenshield intended to take the mountain back from a _dragon…_ “Oakenshield, you are either incredibly stupid or incredibly _mad._ ”

“Nori!” Dori gasped incredulously from the table. Blondie looked surprised, as if he’d never heard anyone say such a thing to Thorin’s face before.

Thorin didn’t skip a beat. “It may seem that way, perhaps, but I mean to reclaim our rightful home. A home you would be safe in. Will you join me, Nori?” His tone didn’t exactly leave much choice.

“And if I refuse?” Nori challenged.

  
“Then you will be punished accordingly. You will lose your hand for repeat offenses and returned to your cell, where you will stay indefinitely.”

“How is that a fair choice?!” Nori barked.

“I’m offering you your freedom, Nori.” Thorin said, his patience wearing thin.

“You’re offering me the choice between two deaths—that’s what you’re planning, Oakenshield. There’s no way anyone would survive against what’s in the mountain.”

“Ah…may I speak?” piped up Ori, rising slowly from his seat.

Nori caught Thorin’s nod before turning to Ori.

“Nori, Dori and I, we’ve, ah…we’ve agreed to go with. I’ve been asked to be their scribe,” he said, trying to disguise the obvious pride in his voice. “And well, Dori is one of the strongest dwarrow around, so…he’s coming as well.” They both knew the only reason Dori would agree to this was to watch over Ori. Nori couldn’t blame him, though. He would do the same thing, wouldn’t he?

His brothers were marching to their deaths with these dwarves who they owned nothing to, while Nori would be sent back to rot in a cell for the rest of his life…

He made up his mind then: Nori would rather die trying to protect his family than die like a caged animal.

“…Fine. I’ll do it.” Nori bit out, meeting Thorin’s eyes. “But let me be clear, I am _not_ doing this for you. I really could not give a fuck about you, Oakenshield—I’m doing this for them.” He said, nodding towards his brothers. There was a moment of following silence where Nori was sure the deal would be broken and he would be dragged back to his cell for his level of disrespect, but that moment never came.

Thorin merely crossed his arms. “Balin. The contract, if you will.”

Before Nori knew it, he was sitting at the table, quill in hand and contract in front of him. He was already regretting his decision before the ink had even dried on the parchment.

 

* * *

 

 Once the contract had been signed and the meeting fizzled into more mundane topics, Fili managed to sneak away to the other side of the tavern, secreting himself away in a quieter corner to smoke in peace. He needed time to process what had happened alone. To be quite honest, he was questioning Thorin’s judgment on his decision to bring Nori along. The thief said it himself that he held no loyalty to Thorin, and the way he spoke to his uncle proved it. Not once in his life had he ever seen someone speak like that to Thorin and walk away not only unscathed but _employed._ Fili was mystified at how freely Thorin let Nori run his mouth like that.

During the entire exchange, Fili noticed Dwalin’s unchanging sour expression that only seemed to get worse when Nori signed the contract. What was Thorin thinking? Fili hadn’t seen any proof yet that convinced him that Nori wouldn’t be more trouble than—

“Hullo, Fili.”

The prince looked up and greeted Ori with a smile. “Ori. Would you like to sit down?” he asked, patting the space on the bench next to him.

  
Ori gave him a brief smile in return and sat next to Fili. “Thank you.” The two of them sat in silence for a while, Fili smoking and Ori tugging at a loose thread on the sleeve of his jumper. “…Was Kili upset that he wasn’t able to come tonight?” Ori asked, trying to make conversation.

“Incredibly so.” Fili smiled slightly. “Thorin doesn’t want too much information getting out, so of course he’ll ask me not to talk about tonight.”

“But you’ll tell Kili anyway.”

The prince laughed. “Without a doubt. We don’t keep things from each other.”

Ori looked down, smiling wistfully. “It must be nice to be so close.”

Fili’s heart sank a little. “Ori—”

Ori’s eyes widened suddenly. “Oh—oh, Fili, no I’m sorry! I didn’t mean for it to sound so… Please don’t feel bad. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.” Fili said quietly. “So…you really haven’t seen him in three years?”

Ori nodded. “It’s really not that uncommon for him.” He gave a half-hearted shrug. “I…apologize for the way he acted tonight. He shouldn’t have said those things to Mister Thorin. I’d like to say he isn’t always like that, that he’s just lashing out in fear, but…”

“But?”

Ori met Fili’s eyes this time. “I really don’t know who my brother is, Fili. His disappearances were so normal, I never had a chance to get to know him. Even when he was living in the city, sometimes we wouldn’t see Nori for months at a time. When he did come around, it was only for a day at most. I usually only got a few hours with him.”

“Ori…”

“I only know one version of my brother. Well, one and a half perhaps. I know the Nori he was around me: the fun, exciting older brother who always had the best stories and brought presents whenever he visited.”

“And the other half?” Fili asked softly.

“That one.” Ori said, nodding towards his brothers across the room where the two of them were involved in a very quiet and intense conversation. “The one that can’t spend more than five minutes in the same room with Dori before the scathing comments start.”

“Like tonight?”

“I don’t know if he’s been quite that rude to Dori, but… I don’t know, perhaps he has. They had some restraint when I was around.” Ori sighed. “Maybe that is the real Nori. I don’t know, Fili. The older I get, the more he feels like a stranger.”

  
Fili couldn’t even begin to imagine what that might feel like. He clasped Ori’s shoulder and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “Well, no matter what he does, you don’t have to apologize for his actions. You didn’t do it, and you’re not your family.”

Ori gave a weak smile in return. “Thank you.” He said quietly. “I’m hoping to actually get to know him on the road. I thought it would be really exciting to be traveling with both of them, but this hasn’t exactly been a smooth start.”

“Have they ever gotten on?” Fili asked, letting his hand slide off his friend’s shoulder.

“Maybe when my mam was still alive, but that’s been decades… I hope they’ll learn to get along—oh, I think he’s coming this way.” Ori’s voice had dropped to a whisper as they watched Nori turn on his heel and storm away from Dori. Sure enough, Nori slipped through the crowds of dwarrow nimbly, his composure returning the closer he got to Fili and Nori. He had a very cat-like way of moving, something almost strange to see in a dwarf.

Ori stood to greet him when Nori closed in on them, and Fili could almost feel the nervous excitement radiating off his friend.

“There you are, Ori.” Nori said, a very genuine grin spreading across his face. He pulled Ori into a tight hug. “Mahal, kid, I missed you.” He pulled away enough to bump foreheads with him.

Ori’s lips pulled up into a smile. “I still can’t believe you’re actually _here._ ”

Nori’s own smile flickered briefly. “This wasn’t exactly what I had envisioned for our reunion, but Dwalin’s always been good at fucking up my plans. Bloody bastard.

Ori’s cheeks reddened, and Fili looked away, biting his lip to hide a knowing smile.

“Er, ah, have you met Fili yet?” Ori asked quickly, desperate to change the subject.

Nori let go of his brother and turned, inspecting Fili with a reproachful look. “Making friends with the royal brats now, Ori? You could do better.”

“Nori, please don’t…” Ori begged.

Fili bristled in irritation, shooting up to his feet. “What have I _ever_ done to you?”

“It’s more so your family. You’re just guilty by association.” Nori replied easily. “I’ve always found your type highly unlikeable.”

Fili snorted. “Yes, and you’ve proven yourself to be _great_ company.” He retorted.

“Oh, I happen to be excellent company to people I consider friends. Isn’t that right, Ori?”

Ori looked about ready to sink into the ground. “Can you please not do this?”

“Aye, I’m sure all two of your friends would agree with very little bribery, wouldn’t they?” Fili asked. He wasn’t sure whether it was the pent up frustration finally coming to a head, or the way their banter was escalating, but Fili was beginning to feel rather brave.

Nori stared him down, his gaze cold and unnerving. Fili was beginning to wonder if he should apologize, but then Nori smirked. “So you aren’t all polite and proper, are ya? I think I see a bit of backbone in you.” The thief sounded amused. “You might not be as bad as I thought, little princeling.”

“And you may be worse than I thought.” Fili sniffed. There was a small part of him that wondered if he should feel bad about talking that way to Nori in front of Ori, but he pushed the thought aside. If Nori wanted to pick something with him, Fili refused to back down. He wouldn’t be walked on anymore. “You act like I should be grateful that you don’t think so lowly of me.”

Nori grinned. “You should feel _honoured,_ princeling.”

“Fili! We’re leavin’.” The prince heard Dwalin bark. He glanced over at Dwalin, noticing his instructor’s less-than-impressed look fixed on Nori. The thief raised an eyebrow, giving Dwalin a cheeky smile and waving a hand in greeting.

“I have to go.” Fili said unnecessarily. It wasn’t as if they hadn’t heard Dwalin.

“Fili—“ Ori started.

Fili shook his head, knowing Ori was about to start apologizing profusely. “Don’t, Ori. It’s okay.” He turned his attention to Nori. “I’d say it was a pleasure to meet you, but I was taught not to lie.”

Nori grinned. “Aren’t you a well-trained little princeling,” he cooed, condescendingly. “Ta, then. Best not keep your master waiting too long.”

Fili opened his mouth to say something but jammed it back shut when he heard Dwalin approaching. “Bye, Ori.” He said, turning without acknowledging Nori again. “Sorry about that, Master Dwalin.”

Dwalin grunted and the two of them walked out of the tavern in silence. Once they had stepped into the crisp night air, Dwalin expression hardened. “Fili, you need to stay away from Nori, understood?” he gruffed. “He’s a—”

Fili recognized the signs of Dwalin preparing to go into a short but unnecessary lecture. “You don’t need to worry, Mister Dwalin,” Fili interrupted. “I really have no intention of getting to know him.”

If Fili had learned anything tonight, it was that Nori was a deeply unlikable dwarf. He thought he would be perfectly content spending as little time as possible around the thief on their journey.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is unbeta'd, so if you find any errors please let me know! I lack a beta reader, sadly.


End file.
